Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that cultural traditions are destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions aimed at tourists. Others believe that this is the only way to save such traditions in the world today. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people think that cultural traditions are destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions aimed at tourists. Others believe that this is the only way to save such traditions in the world today. v. 2
Some people argue that once cultural traditions are employed to make money, they are ruined. However, others hold the opposite view that it is the only means to protect these traditions from extinction in current world. From my perspective, I think that commercializing cultural traditions is one effective way to promote them, but we should not forget the true meaning of the traditions. It is true that making cultural traditions profitable can increase public attention to the traditions, so an increasing number of visitors would develop better understanding of the traditions. For example, with the commercialization of Christmas festival, more and more non-Christians around the world enjoy celebrating the festivals, making Christmas a global appeal. Additionally, only when cultural traditions make money would businessmen promote them. In this materialistic world, few people would care ancient traditions if they do not bring economic benefits to their lives. Therefore, making some traditions money-making inspires businessmen to promote the traditions voluntarily. However, adapting the traditions only for commercial purpose should not be encouraged. Over-commercialization would change the true meaning of the traditions. For instance, with the commercialization of Spring Festival, more and more Chinese merchants see this festival as a perfect time to expand sales instead of promoting the cultural meaning along with the festival. Besides, there are other useful ways of protecting cultural heritage as well, including holding cultural tradition contest, developing relevant culture courses in school, and so forth. Therefore, commercializing traditional culture is not the only way to promote it. In conclusion, I believe we should find the balance between tourism development and the protection of cultural traditions. Developing tourism can attract more people to understand the culture, while it is not the only way to do so.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
are employed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money, they
are ruined
.
However
, others hold the opposite view that it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
means to protect these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
from extinction in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
world. From my perspective, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that commercializing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
is one effective way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promote
them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we should not forget the true meaning of the traditions.

It is true that making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
profitable can increase public attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
an increasing number of visitors would develop better understanding of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
.
For example
, with the commercialization of Christmas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
, more and more non-Christians around the world enjoy celebrating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
, making Christmas a global appeal.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money would businessmen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promote
them. In this materialistic world, few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would care ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
if they do not bring economic benefits to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Therefore
, making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
money-making inspires businessmen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promote
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
voluntarily
.

However
, adapting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
for commercial purpose should not
be encouraged
. Over-commercialization would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the true meaning of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
.
For instance
, with the commercialization of Spring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Festival
, more and more Chinese merchants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
as a perfect time to expand sales
instead
of promoting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
meaning along with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
.
Besides
, there are other useful ways of protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
heritage
as well
, including holding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
contest, developing relevant culture courses in school, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth.
Therefore
, commercializing traditional culture is not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promote
it.

In conclusion
, I believe we should find the balance between tourism development and the protection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
. Developing tourism can attract more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to understand the culture, while it is not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
way to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that cultural traditions are destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions aimed at tourists. Others believe that this is the only way to save such traditions in the world today. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts