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Some people think that cultural traditions will be destroyed when they are used as money-making machines aimed at tourists. Others believe it is the only way to save such traditions in the world today. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people think that cultural traditions will be destroyed when they are used as money-making machines aimed at tourists. Others believe it is the only way to save such traditions in the world today. v. 2
Cultural traditions played most vital role throughout the years in the development of humankind. We have wide range of traditions in different regions. These days, the governments are putting multiple efforts to save them from further extinction. Few people think that cultural traditions will get extinct if they are seen as a source of income from travellers. The others are firm that it is the best solution to preserve them from being fade off. This essay discusses both sides of the issue. In my view, the former is the best idea to implement and I have so many reasons which are clearly explained in the below paragraphs. To begin with, The authorities are charging more to the foreigners for visits to the cultural structures and other historic places. Because of this, They are even getting more frustrated by these charges, because they have spent a huge amount of money to travel all the way along and here also they are paying to visit few places which may effect in another way. For example, The visiting pass for "Taj Mahal" in India is around $40 for the visitors, it is bit high and even there are few tourists who are not willing to visit because of this, which leads to less occupancy and leads to poor maintenance. On the other hand, If the cultural places are kept open for all then, the places will be visited by a lot of people, which turns the places jam packed and even fewer of the sculptures may get damaged. Which, is an impossible task to recover. The societies are charging for a reason, they need some amount of money to protect and for maintenance of the so called place, if it lacks in doing so then they may get extinct. For Instance, There is a place called "The Cave" in India, a place where all the 10th century arts are preserved because of poor caring the arts got damaged by the climate changes. Thus, Earning through the traditional things is a good idea to preserve them. To conclude, Cultural traditions are getting extinct and those needs to be preserved. However, it is not an offence to get some earnings from the tourists who are enthusiastic to learn about the cultural aspects, moreover the earnings are used to preserve them for future generations. So, the cultural traditions can be used as a money earning source.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
played most vital role throughout the years in the development of humankind. We have wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
regions. These days, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are putting multiple efforts to save them from
further
extinction. Few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
extinct if they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a source of income from
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
. The others are firm that it is the best solution to preserve them from being
Consider using a past participle here: "faded".
fade
off. This essay discusses both sides of the issue. In my view, the former is the best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to implement and I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons which are
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the below paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, The authorities are charging more to the foreigners for visits to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
structures and other historic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
Because of this
, They are even getting more frustrated by these charges,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have spent a huge amount of money to travel all the way along and here
also
they are paying to visit few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
which may
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
in another way.
For example
, The visiting pass for
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Taj Mahal
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
in India is around $40 for the visitors, it is
It seems that an article is missing.
bit
high and even there are few tourists who are not willing to visit
because of this
, which leads to less occupancy and leads to poor maintenance.

On the other hand
, If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
open for all then, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
will
be visited
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, which turns the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
jam packed and even fewer of the sculptures may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
damaged.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
, is an impossible task to recover. The societies are charging for a reason, they need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount of money to protect and for maintenance of the
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
so called
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
, if it lacks in doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
then they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
extinct.
For Instance
, There is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
called
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
The Cave
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
in India, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
where all the 10th century arts
are preserved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of poor caring the arts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
damaged by the climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Earning
through the traditional things is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to preserve them.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
are getting extinct and those needs to
be preserved
.
However
, it is not an
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earnings
from the tourists who are enthusiastic to learn about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
aspects,
moreover
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earnings
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to preserve them for future generations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
source.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Some people think that cultural traditions will be destroyed when they are used as money-making machines aimed at tourists. Others believe it is the only way to save such traditions in the world today. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
400 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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