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Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your opinion v.9

Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers. Others disagree. 9
Giving gifts is one major way humans appreciate one another. It is thought by some that monetary gifts are the best for young adults, others believe that there are other ways to reward them. In my opinion, I believe that these children can be duly appreciated with other forms of gift. On the one hand, some people think that because money is more valuable, it should be the most suitable reward for children. To put in another way, young adults these days have an endless list of wants and needs, any opportunity they have to receive a gift they would prefer money since they can use it for whatever they desire or have been saving for. Moreover, if a youngster is given a gift that is not monetary, it might be useless, especially if the items are something they do not find fascinating. For example, during recent research conducted by Cambridge College, students were asked if they preferred money or receiving other forms of gift. 70 per cent went for money because of the countless things they would be able to purchase with it. On the other hand, it is thought by some that in order to prevent greed, other forms of gift should be given and I agree. This is because if a child is constantly rewarded for hard work with cash all the time, a day when the giver does not have this form of appreciation, the child may out of being greedy resort to illegal means to get money. In order to prevent this, other forms of gifts like giving the young one a new phone, or a trip to his favourite fun spot should be encouraged. In conclusion, a child may be availed different opportunities when given a monetary reward; in my opinion, I believe that in order to prevent crimes being committed by the youngster other forms of reward should be accorded.
Giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
is one major way humans appreciate one another. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
are the best for young adults, others believe that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
them. In my opinion, I believe that these children can be
duly
appreciated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
of gift.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is more valuable, it should be the most suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
for children. To put in another way, young adults these days have an endless list of wants and needs, any opportunity they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
receive a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
they would prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
since they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for whatever they desire or have been saving for.
Moreover
, if a youngster is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
that is
not monetary, it might be useless,
especially
if the items are something they do not find fascinating.
For example
, during recent research conducted by Cambridge College, students
were asked
if they preferred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
or receiving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
. 70 per cent went for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the countless things they would be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
with it.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
greed,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if a child is
constantly
rewarded for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work with cash all the time, a day when the giver does not have this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
of appreciation, the child may out of being greedy resort to illegal means to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
like giving the young one a new phone, or a trip to his
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
fun spot should
be encouraged
.

In conclusion
, a child may
be availed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opportunities when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
; in my opinion, I believe that in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
crimes
being committed
by the youngster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
should
be accorded
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers. Others disagree. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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