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Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think that there are disadvantages to this. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.9

Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think that there are disadvantages to this. v. 9
The introduction of modern equipments and techniques has revolutionized the modern day sports. The better broadcasting services have improved the experience and reach of many sporting events and as a result, many companies are using sports to advertise their products which some people see as beneficial while others think that it has negative consequences. I am of the opinion that sports advertisers help the sporting community in many ways and their advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Firstly, the use of sporting events as a tool for advertising has brought the much needed financial aid to many sports and resultantly, the athletes today are better paid off than those in the past. Many advertising agencies hire the best athletes to be their brand ambassadors which in many cases have served as an incentive for players to perform better and this in turn improves the quality and competitiveness in the sports. Secondly, the governing sport bodies can sell the broadcasting rights at higher prices because of the availability of many sponsor companies and widespread popularity of many sports among the population. The money procured from these sources can help run these bodies independent of government funding and these funds can be utilized in improving the sports structure in a country. However, the widespread commercialization has led to the popular games taking over the limelight and lesser known regional games are pushed to the sidelines because of the absence of broadcasters and advertisers. This in turn has a negative effect on our culture as well because many of these games serve as the reminiscence of our historical background and culture. One of the downsides of the intense commercialization is that many athletes opt to play the sports for monetary benefits and they find it harder to commit to their national sporting events because of the availability of high value contracts for them in commercial leagues and matches. In conclusion, despite some drawbacks to the commercialization of sports but, still it has served the sporting community a great deal and has contributed to the best overall coverage of many sports across the world.
The introduction of modern equipments and techniques has revolutionized the modern day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. The better broadcasting services have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the experience and reach of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and
as a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to advertise their products which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
as beneficial while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences. I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
advertisers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the sporting community in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways and their advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
as a tool for advertising has brought the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
much needed
financial aid to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
resultantly
, the athletes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are better paid off than those in the past.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
advertising agencies hire the best athletes to be their brand ambassadors which in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases have served as an incentive for players to perform better and this in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the quality and competitiveness in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Secondly
, the governing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
bodies can sell the broadcasting rights at higher prices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the availability of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sponsor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and widespread popularity of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
among the population. The money procured from these sources can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
run these bodies independent of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
funding and these funds can
be utilized
in improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
structure in a country.

However
, the widespread commercialization has led to the popular games taking over the limelight and lesser known regional games
are pushed
to the sidelines
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the absence of broadcasters and advertisers. This in turn has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on our culture
as well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of these games serve as the reminiscence of our historical background and culture. One of the downsides of the intense commercialization is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
athletes opt to play the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
for monetary
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
benefits and
they find it harder to commit to their national sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the availability of high value contracts for them in commercial leagues and matches.

In conclusion
, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks to the commercialization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
still
it has served the sporting community a great deal and has contributed to the best
overall
coverage of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
across the world.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think that there are disadvantages to this. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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