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Some people think that cultural traditions will be destroyed if they are used as money making attractions aimed at tourists. Other, however, believe that is the only one way to save these traditions. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that cultural traditions will be destroyed if they are used as money making attractions aimed at tourists. Other, however, believe that is the only one way to save these traditions. v. 2
There is no scepticism that tourism, which has been playing a vital role in the economic growth of the nation. So experts throughout the developed and developing regions assert that since tourist places has been utilize for earning income, the cultural traditions would be deteriorated. However, opponents opine that there are generally no other methods to preserve these traditions. This essay intends to delve into both sides before embarking on my viewpoint. Elucidating the first aspect, by allowing tourism aid in saving the customs in several ways. The considerable one is that it embolden the citizens to maintain the property and culture in order to beguiling more visitors. This means, the masses would dabble in not only curing heritage, but provide knowledge about their culture to visitors. Taking Rajasthan city of India as an example, one of eminent tourist destinations, people are more likely to follow the traditional style to making cuisine only because of visitors affection towards Rajasthani food. While, it escalates the maintenance cost due to mass tourism, but it is clear that it also surge the revenue of individuals which eventually lead the people to protect customers. Illuminating the opponent's views, there are certain negative impacts which must be considered. One significant issue is that people do modification in some styles due to international people could not prefer those things. In other words, people make changes that their customers feel comfortable. For instance, the Punjabi music style has been converted into English music style due to overseas visitors in India. Although, change is necessary to develop the economy, it can be argued that those changes are not essential at the expense of modifying those customs. In conclusion, it can be reiterated that, albeit people follow the traditional recipes to make food, but they also indulge citizens do modifications in some things. In my opinion, despite having detrimental, I believe that being money minded is beneficial. However, regime ought to take steps pertaining to such changes.
There is no
Possible spelling mistake found.
scepticism
that tourism, which has been playing a vital role in the economic growth of the nation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
experts throughout the developed and developing regions assert that since tourist places has been
Consider using a past participle here: "utilized".
utilize
for earning income, the cultural traditions would
be deteriorated
.
However
, opponents opine that there are
generally
no other methods to preserve these traditions. This essay intends to delve into both sides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
embarking on my viewpoint.

Elucidating the
first
aspect, by allowing tourism aid in saving the customs in several ways. The considerable one is that it embolden the citizens to maintain the property and culture in order to
Did you mean "beguile"?
beguiling
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
. This means, the masses would dabble in not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
curing heritage,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
provide knowledge about their culture to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
. Taking Rajasthan city of India as an example, one of eminent tourist destinations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more likely to follow the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
to making cuisine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
affection towards
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rajasthani
food. While, it escalates the maintenance cost due to mass tourism,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that it
also
surge the revenue of individuals which
eventually
lead the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to protect customers.

Illuminating the opponent's views, there are certain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be considered
. One significant issue is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do modification in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
styles
due to international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could not prefer those things.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
that their customers feel comfortable.
For instance
, the Punjabi music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
has
been converted
into English music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
due to overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
in India. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
is necessary to develop the economy, it can
be argued
that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
are not essential at the expense of modifying those customs.

In conclusion
, it can
be reiterated
that, albeit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
follow the traditional recipes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
food,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
indulge citizens do modifications in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
things. In my opinion, despite having detrimental, I believe that being money minded is beneficial.
However
, regime ought to take steps pertaining to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that cultural traditions will be destroyed if they are used as money making attractions aimed at tourists. Other, however, believe that is the only one way to save these traditions. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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