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Some people think that criminals should be given longer terms in prison so as to reduce the crime rate To what extent do you agree or disagree v.2

Some people think that criminals should be given longer terms in prison so as to reduce the crime rate v. 2
In recent days, many people explain that the time in prison should be increased in order to limit the crime rate. In my opinion, this way is effective to deter more cases but in some aspects, it seems not so effective or other measures are also appropriate for each situation. On the one hand, some people suggest extending imprison time for crimes for deterrent effect. Spending more time behind the metal bars may let crimes recognize and also regret about their fault in the past. Consequently, most of them may be aware of not repeating criminal after their times are expired, so we can inhibit a large number of crimes. Moreover, if the time in prison becomes longer, the staffs can apply more methods to improve prisoners’ awareness and rehabilitate them. As a result crime repeating tendency can be reduced, currently these ex-prisoners tell to community about their experience so as to discourage people commit a crime. On the other hands, this method may not effective for some circumstances. For example, many mafia have a tendency of continue their criminal career after they are released. In some cases, we need more stringent methods. For instance, some felonies like murder, drugs trading are really dangerous to the society and there are less hope to reform them so many countries tend to give them capital punishment instead of life imprisonment for deterrent effect. In conclusion, giving more time for crimes in prison is good idea to reduce more cases, but we need more strict techniques in some situations.
In recent days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in prison should
be increased
in order to limit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate. In my opinion, this way is effective to deter more cases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects, it seems not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
effective or other measures are
also
appropriate for each situation.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggest extending imprison
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
for deterrent effect. Spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
behind the metal bars may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
recognize and
also
regret about their fault in the past.
Consequently
, most of them may be aware of not repeating criminal after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
are expired
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we can inhibit
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
Moreover
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in prison becomes longer, the staffs can apply more methods to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
prisoners’ awareness and rehabilitate them.
As a result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
repeating tendency can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
,
currently
these ex-prisoners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
to community about their experience
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
discourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
commit a crime.

On the other hands, this method may not effective for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
circumstances.
For example
,
Possible agreement error. The noun mafia seems to be countable; consider using: "many mafias".
many mafia
have a tendency of continue their criminal career after they
are released
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, we need more stringent methods.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
felonies like murder, drugs trading are
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to the society and there are less hope to reform them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries tend to give them capital punishment
instead
of life imprisonment for deterrent effect.

In conclusion
, giving more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in prison is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
more cases,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we need more strict techniques in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that criminals should be given longer terms in prison so as to reduce the crime rate v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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