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Many studies have shown that most criminals have a low level of education. Some people say that to reduce the crime rate, criminals must be educated within prisons. It will improve their prospects of employment when they are released. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion and relevant examples. v.1

Many studies have shown that most criminals have a low level of education. Some people say that to reduce the crime rate, criminals must be educated within prisons. It will improve their prospects of employment when they are released. Give your opinion and relevant examples. v. 1
It is argued in many research that lack of education is one of the factors of criminal. Some people believe that educating criminals during their captivity in prison will help to reduce crime in the future because they will be able to manage a job after getting punished. In my opinion, I completely agree that introducing education in jell will facilitate criminals to manage a job by learning skills, norms and manners. The first and foremost reason why prisoners should be educated in prison is that it will support them to see the life in a new way. In other words, criminals will understand with behaviour is accepted in the society and try to earn through the socially approved ways. This exemplified by handicraft business, which is run by a man who got punishment for stealing. In the prison, that man learned basket making process, which helped him to launch his business. Secondly, education helps any person to take a place in the community. Moreover, when people will see that a prisoner is getting education facilities in a prison, it will be easier for them to accept that criminal after release. Without society's acceptance, it will be difficult for offenders to adjust them into a new life. Otherwise, they will commit crime again if people ignore them. Thus, education is must for the criminals in the prison. Finally, no people born as a criminal in the world. Poverty, lack of education and basic need drive a person to commit a crime. Thus, it is the government responsibility to educate criminals so that they can lead a life by doing a decent job. For example, in the Netherlands, government aids criminals to do voluntary training, which leads to the country's 1% reoffending crime rate from 10%. Therefore, government should educate criminals to reduce the crime rate from the community. In conclusion, education is must for the criminals in the prison so that they can find a prospective job by learning skills and adapt to the society.
It
is argued
in
Possible agreement error. The noun research seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much research", "a good deal of research".
many research
that lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is one of the factors of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
during their captivity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in the future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will be able to manage a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after getting punished. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that introducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in jell will facilitate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to manage a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
by learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, norms and manners.

The
first
and foremost reason why prisoners should
be educated
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
is that it will support them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the life
Consider replacing "in a new way" with the adverb for "new"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a new way
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
will understand with
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
in the society and try to earn through the
socially
approved ways. This exemplified by handicraft business, which
is run
by a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
punishment for stealing. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
learned basket making process, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
him to launch his business.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
any person to take a place in the community.
Moreover
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that a prisoner is getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
facilities in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
, it will be easier for them to accept that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
after release. Without society's acceptance, it will be difficult for offenders to adjust them into a new life.
Otherwise
, they will commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
again if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
them.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
in the prison.

Finally
, no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
born as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
in the world. Poverty, lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and basic need drive a person to commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Thus
, it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
responsibility to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can lead a life by doing a decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
For example
, in the Netherlands,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
aids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to do voluntary training, which leads to the country's 1%
Possible spelling mistake found.
reoffending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate from 10%.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate from the community.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can find a prospective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
by learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and adapt to the society.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Many studies have shown that most criminals have a low level of education. Some people say that to reduce the crime rate, criminals must be educated within prisons. It will improve their prospects of employment when they are released. Give your opinion and relevant examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
335 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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