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Medical technology helps to live long life. Is that curse or blessing for society and mankind? v.2

Medical technology helps to live long life. Is that curse or blessing for society and mankind? v. 2
Thanks to the advanced development of technology, people can live longer than the past. Some people think human should not live for a longer length of life. I believe whether to live long or short is the individual’s choice. However human always tend to live longer, and with the technology development, it is a blessing thing for having longer life of human. It is not clear to say people who can live longer than others in the past can be given happiness. Since human have less investment such as computer, TV, and other electrical devices which can provide entertainment for human in that year. In the past the longer a person can live, the more boring he or she may has. Moreover, because of the lower technology development, a longer length of live always means living with bad transportation, fragile house and none medical treatment. However, some people said it is painful for human to live in modern society nowadays, since our society has become more like a ‘throw-away society’, where the amount of garbage is increasing daily. And human’s body are damaged by serious pollution and garbage which produced over generations. But we also enjoy more conveniences than the past. And the fast speed development of medical treatment can help people to overcome illness which was fatal few decades ago. Nowadays, people accept enormous information daily and have lots of thing to do, various place to visit. People are urged to live longer so that they can create more things which colorful their rest of life. Overall, since the modern society can provide a more convenient, stable and enjoyable live style for human, living for a long time is obviously a better choice.
Thanks to the advanced
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development
of technology,
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people
can
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live
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longer
than the
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past
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
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human
should not
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live
for a
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longer
length of life. I believe whether to
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live
long or short is the individual’s choice.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
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human
always tend to
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live
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longer
, and with the technology
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development
, it is a blessing thing for having
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longer
life of human.

It is not
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clear
to say
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people
who can
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live
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longer
than others in the
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past
can be
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given
happiness. Since
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human
have less investment such as computer, TV, and other electrical devices which can provide entertainment for
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human
in that year. In the
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past
the
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longer
a person can
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live
, the more boring he or she may
The verb 'may' requires the base form of the verb: "have"
has
.
Moreover
,
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because
of the lower technology
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development
, a
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longer
length of
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live
always means living with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
transportation, fragile
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and none medical treatment.

However
,
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some
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people
said it is painful for
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human
to
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live
in modern
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society
nowadays, since our
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society
has become more like a ‘throw-away
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society’
, where the amount of garbage is increasing daily. And
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human’s
body
are damaged
by serious pollution and garbage which produced over generations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
we
also
enjoy more conveniences than the
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past
. And the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
speed
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development
of medical treatment can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
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people
to overcome illness which was fatal few decades ago. Nowadays,
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people
accept enormous information daily and have
Possible agreement error. The noun thing seems to be countable; consider using: "lots of things".
lots of thing
to do, various place to visit.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are urged
to
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live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can create more things which colorful their rest of life.

Overall
, since the modern
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society
can provide a more convenient, stable and enjoyable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
style for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
, living for a long time is
obviously
a better choice.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Medical technology helps to live long life. Is that curse or blessing for society and mankind? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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