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Some people think that criminals should be given longer terms in prison, so as to reduce the crime rate. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that criminals should be given longer terms in prison, so as to reduce the crime rate. v. 1
How to handle criminals is a problem that all countries and society face. However, whether government should punish crimes by placing them in jail for a long time to pay for what they have done or not is a controversial issue. I am of the opinion that trying to make them better with training and education maybe a good approach than we lock them in prison. There are several significant benefits associated with criminal education. First of all, it is obvious that many people have a tendency to end up their life time in the prison because they did not have a good education and a happy family. If crimes are taught a job-related knowledge which will enable them to become skilled employees in the future, most of them, after liberty, can enter the workplace, earn a living and support their families. Therefore, the return crime rate will reduce. Moreover, consider all the money that the government spent to lock people up in jail. It does not seem like a good use of the budget because most criminals eventually will let out of the prison, we should give top priority to make them better citizens and spend that money on welfare system such as a hospital or education establishment. This is not to say, however, that we should neglect the positive impact of a jail. There are, of course, some people commit serious crimes like mass murder or violate other people need to be given in the prison during the rest of their life. But still, education has a crucial role in making criminals become useful for society. In conclusion, the major function of the prisons should be providing most crimes with disciplines that relate to their future life. Meanwhile, we should not ignore the important roles criminals are undertaking. Only by doing so, we can ensure that they will have a good life after having freedom.
How to handle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
is a problem that all countries and society face.
However
, whether
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should punish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
by placing them in jail for a long time to pay for what they have done or not is a controversial issue. I am of the opinion that trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them better with training and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
maybe a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
approach than we lock them in prison.

There are several significant benefits associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is obvious that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a tendency to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up their
Did you mean "lifetime"?
life time
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they did not have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and a happy family. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are taught
a job-related knowledge which will enable them to become skilled employees in the future, most of them, after liberty, can enter the workplace, earn a living and support their families.
Therefore
, the return
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
.
Moreover
, consider all the money that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spent to lock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
up in jail. It does not seem like a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the budget
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
eventually
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
out of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
, we should give top priority to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them better citizens and spend that money on welfare system such as a hospital or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
establishment.

This is not to say,
however
, that we should neglect the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact of a jail. There are,
of course
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
commit serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
like mass murder or violate other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
during the rest of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
still
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has a crucial role in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
become useful for society.

In conclusion
, the major function of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
should be providing most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
with disciplines that relate to their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Meanwhile, we should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
roles
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are undertaking.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, we can ensure that they will have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
after having freedom.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that criminals should be given longer terms in prison, so as to reduce the crime rate. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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