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Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.15

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 15
Some belief of experts is children should starts learning a secondary language at primary school more than secondary school. This essay agrees with this opinion, since the brain cells of children have been improved and they have not confused between each language. Initially, the advantages are the growth of children’s brain cells and their memory is thrive a lot in this period. Beside these help to understand the grammar and pronunciation of a language, this age ranges also remembers the vocabulary easier than older ages. For example, my favourite actress is Crist Horwang, she studied English language at a primary school, even she did not like to learn it when she was young, but now she can use both this language and a mother tongue fluently. In contrast, the disadvantage of this issue is some people aware that their child may confuse between each language, but it is not true. Most children who learn a secondary language at primary school usually speak fluently than children who learning later, since they learn it more time. Likewise, the reading, writing and listening skills also develops by learning and using repeatedly. For instance, my friend can use three languages (Thai, Chinese and English) because she learned from her primary school, while her friend learned the English language at secondary school and he does not use it better than my friend. In conclusion, children should learn a foreign language at primary school, since the development of their neurons is ready to receive the new language and we have not to worry their confusion.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
belief of experts is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "start"
starts
learning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with this opinion, since the brain cells of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have been
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
improved and
they have not confused between each language.

Initially
, the advantages are the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
brain cells and their memory is
Consider using a past participle here: "thrived", "thriven".
thrive
a lot in this period. Beside these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to understand the grammar and pronunciation of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, this age ranges
also
remembers the vocabulary easier than older ages.
For example
, my
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
actress is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Crist
Possible spelling mistake found.
Horwang
, she studied English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, even she did not like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
it when she was young,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
she can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
both this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and a mother tongue
fluently
.

In contrast
, the disadvantage of this issue is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aware that their child may confuse between each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not true. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
usually
speak
Use "(fluently)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
fluently
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who learning later, since they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
it more time.
Likewise
, the reading, writing and listening
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
also
develops by learning and using
repeatedly
.
For instance
, my friend can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
(Thai, Chinese and English)
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she learned from her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, while her friend learned the English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
school and
he does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it better than my friend.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, since the development of their neurons is ready to receive the new
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
language and
we have not to worry their confusion.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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