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some people think that child's success in adult life depends on the way their parents brought them up. do you agree or disagree. v.1

some people think that child's success in adult life depends on the way their parents brought them up. v. 1
Specific individuals think the country's people in charge of authority is spending an excessive amount of fund on discovering extraterrestrial life form in outer space, while they should devote the fund to solve issues faced by the public. In this essay, I will elaborate to what extent I agree or disagree. There is no doubt that the government has been spending plenty of a load of money on science projects, while there is numerous problem faced by the citizens of a particular nation. For example, the poverty rate has been boosted up dramatically over the past decade, and there are not sufficient fund invested in the development of the country, like roads, hospital, school and home for the needy families. Also, research conducted by the World health organisation indicates that an average of 60 children dies from lack of medical care for various diseases. Nonetheless, it is also essential for the government to finance the space organisation to discover life in the neighbouring planets because the world is facing significant threats like global warming, greenhouse effect and natural disasters, so it is essential to find out if life can survive on other planets, moreover, when a crisis is nearing, we can send people to Mars for the survival of the human race. Also, research conducted by Stanford University shows that the population is increasing at a faster pace, so if this last, in over a decade, the people population will double the amount of presents. To conclude, I think the government should invest more into the problem faced by the people of a nation. However, they should not stop spending on space discovery, but decrease the amount of money spent
Specific individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the country's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in charge of authority is spending an excessive amount of fund on discovering extraterrestrial life form in outer space, while they should devote the fund to solve issues faced by the public. In this essay, I will elaborate to what extent I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
or disagree.

There is no doubt that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has been spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of a load of money on science projects, while there is numerous problem faced by the citizens of a particular nation.
For example
, the poverty rate has
been boosted
up
dramatically
over the past decade, and there are not sufficient fund invested in the development of the country, like roads, hospital, school and home for the needy families.
Also
, research conducted by the World health
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
indicates that an average of 60 children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dies
from lack of medical care for various diseases.

Nonetheless, it is
also
essential for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to finance the space
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
to discover life in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbouring' is British English.
neighbouring
planets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the world is facing significant threats like global warming, greenhouse effect and natural disasters,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is essential to find out if life can survive on other planets,
moreover
, when a crisis is nearing, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to Mars for the survival of the human race.
Also
, research conducted by Stanford University
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the population is increasing at a faster pace,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if this last, in over a decade, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
population will double the amount of presents.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should invest more into the problem faced by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of a nation.
However
, they should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
spending on space discovery,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
decrease the amount of money spent
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay some people think that child's success in adult life depends on the way their parents brought them up. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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