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Some people believe that educational success depends on good teachers. Others think that it depends on the attitude of the students. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people believe that educational success depends on good teachers. Others think that it depends on the attitude of the students. v. 2
In the recent era, there have been constant pressure on the pupils to succeed in academics and secure good grades. It is asserted by a few people that students can be successful in their educational career if they get competent teachers while others state that it depends on the perspective of them. This essay discusses both sides of the argument and I will give my own opinion. To commence, people who believe that students can achieve success in their studies due to capable instructors holds this view because they think that a proficient teacher can arise curiosity for a particular subject and motivates them to study. For instant, If a teacher will be able to deliver lecture in such a manner that will be easy to understand for students, they will not only start to pay attention and heed into it but also, would start developing interest to know more about it. Hence, benefiting students to perform well after studying thoroughly. Harvard University found out in an experiment that capable teachers assisted pupils to develop an interest and perform well in academics. However, I believe that school children will be able to excel well if they themselves will have the intention to study and succeed. If a child’s focus is not on school studies, he will not study rigorously even if he will have good teachers. In that scenario, the teacher cannot make him to be keen in various subjects and produce outstanding results because this is he who has to prepare for various assignments and exams. It has been proved by various studies that students who themselves had passion to secure good grades did so even when they did not have an opportunity to go to school and obtain knowledge from best teachers. In conclusion, both sides of this contentious debate have their merits. However, in my opinion, I believe that although competent teachers can develop interest in studies up to some extent, it depends on the attitude if pupils which makes them study with determination and get good scores in academics.
In the recent era, there have been constant pressure on the pupils to succeed in academics and secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
grades. It
is asserted
by a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can be successful in their educational career if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
competent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
while others state that it depends on the perspective of them. This essay discusses both sides of the argument and I will give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

To commence,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can achieve success in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
due to capable instructors holds this view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a proficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
can arise curiosity for a particular subject and motivates them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. For instant, If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
will be able to deliver lecture in such a manner that will be easy to understand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, they will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to pay attention and heed into it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
developing interest to know more about it.
Hence
, benefiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to perform well after studying
thoroughly
. Harvard University found out in an experiment that capable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
assisted pupils to develop an interest and perform well in academics.

However
, I believe that school children will be able to excel well if they themselves will have the intention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and succeed. If a child’s focus is not on school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, he will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
rigorously
even if he will have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. In that scenario, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him to be keen in various subjects and produce outstanding results
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this is he who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
prepare for various assignments and exams. It has
been proved
by various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who themselves had passion to secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
grades did
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
even when they did not have an opportunity to go to school and obtain knowledge
A determiner is probably missing here: "from the best".
from best
teachers.

In conclusion
, both sides of this contentious debate have their merits.
However
, in my opinion, I believe that although competent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can develop interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
up to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, it depends on the attitude if pupils which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
with determination and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
scores in academics.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Some people believe that educational success depends on good teachers. Others think that it depends on the attitude of the students. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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