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Some people say a person’s success in adult life is the result of the way they were brought up as a child by their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people say a person’s success in adult life is the result of the way they were brought up as a child by their parents. v. 1
Some people believe that a person’s success in adult life is a result of upbringing they received. I do not quite agree with this view. In my opinion, the success of a person is very much a result of their hard work and perseverance. Upbringing is certainly important, but just because a child is brought up well, there is no guarantee that they will be successful in their adult life. Although parents are the ultimate teachers and guides of a child, many people grow up either without their parents or against their parents’ principles. Quite a few people learn to live life or make it big in life without family support or help. There have been many such success stories. For example, many wealthy businessmen on the Wall Street were orphans; yet they earned success from scratch. Talent, skills and hard work coupled with experience are important factors in any successful individual’s life. People grow from their experiences or situations. Their success depends upon their ability to learn from their mistakes. Life choices also play a prime role in shaping an individual’s success path. For example, the friends or company we keep could affect our life tremendously. To conclude, no matter whether an individual is born with a silver spoon in their mouth or to wealthy parents, ultimately it is their perseverance and hard work that take them to places. Upbringing is certainly important but it is not the only factor that determines a person’s chances of success in life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that a person’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is a result of upbringing they received. I do not quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view. In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
of a person is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much a result of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and perseverance.

Upbringing is
certainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a child
is brought
up well, there is no guarantee that they will be successful in their adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the ultimate teachers and guides of a child,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
grow up either without their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or against their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
principles. Quite a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
without family support or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. There have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
stories.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
wealthy businessmen on the Wall Street were orphans;
yet
they earned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
from scratch.

Talent,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work coupled with experience are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors in any successful individual’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
grow from their experiences or situations. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
depends upon their ability to learn from their mistakes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Life
choices
also
play a prime role in shaping an individual’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
path.
For example
, the friends or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
could affect our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
tremendously
.

To conclude
, no matter whether an individual
is born
with a silver spoon in their mouth or to wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
ultimately
it is their perseverance and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work that take them to places. Upbringing is
certainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
factor that determines a person’s chances of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay Some people say a person’s success in adult life is the result of the way they were brought up as a child by their parents. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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