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Some people think that children who are bought up in families without a huge amount of money are better prepared to solve the problems in their adult years. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that children who are bought up in families without a huge amount of money are better prepared to solve the problems in their adult years. v. 1
To start with this topic, overweight is one of the major problems in the recent age. The main reason for getting more weight is, due to having more cholesterol kind of foods. Independent of the price, people buy the junk food and have it as part of their regular meal. The upcoming passages will be illustrating the same concept. Firstly, the intake of food will play the major role for becoming fat. In particular, there are few eatable items which will definitely make the people fat, however, everyone wants the same food as it has more taste. That is the secret of the hotels, where they will be adding more chemicals to the food, making it taste better. For example, the oil items make you chubby easily, but, the taste it has, people will go for it often. This is the problem which the current generation is facing, and the majority of the people think that it will solve, if the rates are increased. For instance, the government decided to increase the price of fattening foods, there will be a little amount of people will stop having the food often but, they won't stop completely. The hotels are going to be profiting from this course of action, but not the people. Moreover, the people should have control on their diets rather than increasing the price of eatables. That way, they will have the self control on the food as well as the diet manner. To conclude this, I totally disagree that the increase in the rate of food will not stop people buying the fattening foods from the shop rather it will have burdens on the middle class people who cannot afford those foods.
To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with this topic, overweight is one of the major problems in the recent age. The main reason for getting more weight is, due to having more cholesterol kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. Independent of the price,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and have it as part of their regular meal. The upcoming passages will be illustrating the same concept.

Firstly
, the intake of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
will play the major role for becoming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
.
In particular
, there are few eatable items which will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
,
however
, everyone wants the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as it has more taste.
That is
the secret of the hotels, where they will be adding more chemicals to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, making it taste better.
For example
, the oil items
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you chubby
easily
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, the taste it has,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will go for it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
. This is the problem which the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation is facing, and the majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it will solve, if the rates
are increased
.

For instance
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
decided to increase the price of fattening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, there will be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
having the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, they won't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
completely. The hotels are going to be profiting from this course of action,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have control on their diets
rather
than increasing the price of eatables. That way, they will have the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self control
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as well
as the diet manner.

To conclude
this, I
totally
disagree that the increase in the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
buying the fattening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
from the shop
rather
it will have burdens on the middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who cannot afford those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children who are bought up in families without a huge amount of money are better prepared to solve the problems in their adult years. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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