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When compared to the past, children these days spend more of their leisure time indoors with computers and TV and less time outdoors. Describe some of the problems this lack of outdoor leisure time can cause and suggest at least one possible solution. v.1

When compared to the past, children these days spend more of their leisure time indoors with computers and TV and less time outdoors. Describe some of the problems this lack of outdoor leisure time can cause and suggest at least one possible solution. v. 1
From ancient age, the education system mainly focuses on teaching students with the help of textbooks. Students are forced to carry them daily to the schools and the colleges. However, nowadays, there are smart systems which aid pupils to do more practical things rather than theories. In my opinion, I completely agree that most of the institutions facilitate learning theories only through the textbooks rather than developing the practical study. Firstly, based on the level of the teaching system, the syllabus from the primary standard to higher level varies. Because of this, the learning materials which children study increase gradually from lower classes to higher classes. Teachers order assignments and evaluates a student on how they memorize the fact and the theories. For example, in India, the government organizations aim their syllabus to teach the children from the textbooks and they don't help them to teach through any practical ways. This results the pupils to understand things only from what they learn and they don't get much practical knowledge on where they have to implement the same. Secondly, all the examinations for the higher graduation also aim to bring up the graduates mostly by conducting theory exams rather than the practical. Moreover, for practical exams, the laboratory should be maintained properly with all the necessary devices. So, in order to avoid that the grades are evaluated on the fact. For instance, in India, the Calicut Unviersity, conducts more theoretical tests as there is no proper building or facility to undergo the practical tests. This results the management to save their expenses and get the examination process cheaper. In conclusion, there are less organizations which aim practical skills to increase the knowledge of their lessons. But, I believe most of the institutions organise tests in such a way to assess their children by the theory knowledge and they don't provide suitable labs to practise their theories.
From ancient age, the education system
mainly
focuses on teaching students with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of textbooks. Students
are forced
to carry them daily to the schools and the colleges.
However
, nowadays, there are smart systems which aid pupils to do more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
things
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theories
. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that most of the institutions facilitate learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theories
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
through the textbooks
rather
than developing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
study.

Firstly
, based on the level of the teaching system, the syllabus from the primary standard to higher level varies.
Because of this
, the learning materials which children study increase
gradually
from lower classes to higher classes. Teachers order assignments and evaluates a student on how they memorize the fact and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theories
.
For example
, in India, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
organizations aim their syllabus to teach the children from the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
textbooks and
they don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to teach through any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
ways. This results the pupils to understand things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
from what they
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
learn and
they don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
knowledge on where they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
implement the same.

Secondly
, all the examinations for the higher graduation
also
aim to bring up the graduates
mostly
by conducting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theory
exams
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
.
Moreover
, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
exams, the laboratory should
be maintained
properly
with all the necessary devices.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in order to avoid that the grades
are evaluated
on the fact.
For instance
, in India, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Calicut
Possible spelling mistake found.
Unviersity
, conducts more theoretical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
as there is no proper building or facility to undergo the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
.

This results the management to save their expenses and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the examination process cheaper.

In conclusion
, there are
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun organizations is countable.
less
organizations which aim
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to increase the knowledge of their lessons.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, I believe most of the institutions
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
in such a way to assess their children by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theory
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
knowledge and
they don't provide suitable labs to
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theories
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay When compared to the past, children these days spend more of their leisure time indoors with computers and TV and less time outdoors. Describe some of the problems this lack of outdoor leisure time can cause and suggest at least one possible solution. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
315 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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