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Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children grow up with wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree whit this option? v.2

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children grow up with wealthy parents. whit this option? v. 2
A child that lives his youth in a poor family can better face the obstacles of adult life than a child raised up in a rich family contest. In my opinion, this is not completely true, since I believe that the ability to manage problems depends not only on the economic status of the family during the childhood, but more on the family support. Surely childhood is one of the most important periods of life. It is in these years that the child starts to give a shape to his world. He goes to school, he learns things, he understands the dynamics of staying together. Living into the richness could lead the baby to a wrong vision of the rules that menage the world. Something that is not possible to happen to someone brought up in a poor contest, in fact, there the reality of facts is something that cannot be hidden. Therefore, I am convinced that the family, precisely the parents, plays a fundamental role in the growth of the child and in his future behaviour. Since the child is used to copy the actions of the older people around him, the way his mum and dad act will be important to define his future attitude. Even if the family is rich, but the parents understand how to train their kid, he will have the same ability to deal with the unknown facts of adult life as a poor child. In conclusion, the important thing, to be able not to give up in adult life, is not about the money the family has, but the way the family stands by the child during his first stage of life.
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
his youth in a poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can better face the obstacles of adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
raised up in a rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
contest. In my opinion, this is not completely true, since I believe that the ability to manage problems depends not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on the economic status of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
during the childhood,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
more on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
support.

Surely
childhood is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
periods of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It is in these years that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to give a shape to his world. He goes to school, he learns things, he understands the dynamics of staying together. Living into the richness could lead the baby to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
vision of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
that
'menage' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "ménage"
menage
the world. Something
that is
not possible to happen to someone brought up in a poor contest, in fact, there the reality of facts is something that cannot
be hidden
.

Therefore
, I
am convinced
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
precisely
the parents, plays a fundamental role in the growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and in his future
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. Since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to copy the actions of the older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around him, the way his mum and dad act will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to define his future attitude. Even if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is rich,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the parents understand how to train their kid, he will have the same ability to deal with the unknown facts of adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as a poor child.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing, to be able not to give up in adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, is not about the money the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the way the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
stands by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
during his
first
stage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children grow up with wealthy parents. whit this option? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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