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Children who are brought up in families that do no have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Children who are brought up in families that do no have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. v. 1
The world we live in is not an easy place. Thus, there is no manual and level of preparation can help us cope with the struggles ahead of us. More so, it doesn't really matter how you are brought up, challenges will surely come and in most cases, we are not prepared for them. This explains why I disagree strongly that Children brought up in wealthy homes have what it takes to cope with while growing up than kids from poor homes. Firstly, most of our life problems in this modern world is caused by lack of money. Prostitution, stealing, and many other challenges is a result of poverty. Hunger and many illnesses happen because humans lack money. Often, rich kids grow up and stay rich. In fact, many of them will never understand the problems poor people face. Although, there is so much to life than money. While money can solve many problems in life, it can also create problems. Hence, how wealthy or how poor you are often doesn't have much to do with the problems we will face, or how we will deal with them. Because of this, your financial prosperity doesn't translate to how little your problems will be, and how prepared you will be when issues arise. Poor or wealthy, will bad things not happen to us all? To conclude, we will never be prepared to deal with life, and regardless of our financial status or upbringing, we will need to deal with situations that we won't even expect. Life comes at us, and we will have to learn and deal with it as we live. Simply put, our upbringing doesn't prepare us for what we will see in adult life. If there is any point at all, it supports that being rich makes life easy to deal and cope with. Wealthy upbringing makes us better prepared.
The world we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in is not an easy place.
Thus
, there is no manual and level of preparation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us cope with the struggles ahead of us. More
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, it doesn't
really
matter how you
are brought
up, challenges will
surely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
and
in most cases
, we are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prepared
for them. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
why I disagree
strongly
that Children brought up in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
homes have what it takes to cope with while growing
Use "upper" to make a comparison with this adjective.
up
than kids from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
homes.

Firstly
, most of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in this modern world
is caused
by lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Prostitution, stealing, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other challenges is a result of poverty. Hunger and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
illnesses happen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
humans lack
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
, rich kids grow up and stay rich. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them will never understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
face.

“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can solve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, it can
also
create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Hence
, how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
or how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
you are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
doesn't have much to do with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
we will face, or how we will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deal
with them.
Because of this
, your financial prosperity doesn't translate to how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
will be, and how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prepared
you will be when issues arise.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Poor
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things not happen to us all?

To conclude
, we will never be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prepared
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deal
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, and regardless of our financial status or upbringing, we will need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deal
with situations that we won't even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
at us, and we will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deal
with it as we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
Simply
put, our upbringing doesn't prepare us for what we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. If there is any point at all, it supports that being rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
easy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deal
and cope with.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Wealthy
upbringing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prepared
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Children who are brought up in families that do no have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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