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The first below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons v.1

The first below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.
It is often thought that governments and large companies are the only ones that can make improvements in the environment and that individuals cannot help with it. In my opinion, I disagree that people are helpless with regards to environmental restoration as they can make big changes, especially through communication and by having a green thumb. A good reason would be that a lot of knowledgeable individuals can enhance the surroundings by raising awareness to other people. This can be done by simply by conversing about the importance of cleanliness to family, friend or co-workers. For instance, conveying information to the children in the family about the harmful effect of plastics in the atmosphere could make a difference as these children, once aware, could spread the news to their schoolmates. This has been very effective over the years as the volume of plastics went lower, lessening the garbage all over the world. Another point is that individuals can help improve the environment by planting more trees and plants, even just in their backyards. This action could assist in creating more oxygen, assisting the atmosphere and air to have better quality. Many communities now in Canada, for example, are applying this step and are showing huge improvements in the cleanliness of their surroundings. If this continues, there will be lesser air pollution and greener scenery which can proliferate in the entire society that people will surely enjoy. In conclusion, individuals can make huge improvements in the environment by doing simple strategies that could lead to the lesser amount of wastes, cleaner air and surroundings.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ones that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
improvements in the environment and that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with it. In my opinion, I disagree that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are helpless
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
environmental restoration as they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
,
especially
through communication and by having a green thumb.

A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason would be that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
knowledgeable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
can enhance the surroundings by raising awareness to other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This can
be done
by
simply
by conversing about the importance of cleanliness to family, friend or co-workers.
For instance
, conveying information to the children in the family about the harmful effect of plastics in the atmosphere could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a difference as these children, once aware, could spread the news to their schoolmates. This has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective over the years as the volume of plastics went lower, lessening the garbage all over the world.

Another point is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the environment by planting more trees and plants, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in their backyards. This action could assist in creating more oxygen, assisting the atmosphere and air to have better quality.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
communities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in Canada,
for example
, are applying this step and are showing huge improvements in the cleanliness of their surroundings. If this continues, there will be lesser air pollution and greener scenery which can proliferate in the entire society that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
surely
enjoy.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
huge improvements in the environment by doing simple strategies that could lead to the lesser amount of wastes, cleaner air and surroundings.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The first below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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