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Some people think that children today are not as fit and healthy as in the past Do you agree or disagree with this statement Give your opinion reasons and solutions v.1

Some people think that children today are not as fit and healthy as in the past Give your opinion reasons and solutions v. 1
Nowadays, crime rates have been increased considerably and it is the major issue that today's world face. Some people believe that many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. This essay will discuss how this trend happened and what adequate measures taken to solve the problem. The first and foremost thing is that, the prisoners who get first punishment face many struggles in the prison. On the other way, some people who punished because of serious crime with long sentences may change their character with rude and arrogant personality. The reason behind this, is that the system in the prison makes a worse situation like interaction with other offenders who are very criminal etc. Secondly person who got long punishment faces many problems in front of the society. A case in point is that, an offender who released after long sentences may refused by their family, relatives, friends and also from the public. This may adversely affect the behaviour of the person. In order to solve this problem, the government should be focused on the rehabilitation of criminals. This is not only reducing punishment, but also helps to avoid the violence that the person shows. Moreover, government can engage the offenders with different works like cooking, gardening, cleaning etc. Which may be helpful to reduce their negative thoughts and behaviour. For instance, some police authorities entertain their members in the prison with engaging with books, for that they maintain small libraries and included different types of books. To recapitulate that, the character of a person is build by the public and the authorities. So, rehabilitation is the best way to tackle the problem. However, up to a certain limit punishments give a positive attitude.
Nowadays, crime rates have
been increased
considerably
and it is the major issue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world face.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
commit more crimes after serving the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
. This essay will discuss how this trend happened and what adequate measures taken to solve the problem.

The
first
and foremost thing is that, the prisoners
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
struggles in the prison. On the other way,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
punished
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of serious crime with long sentences may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their character with rude and arrogant personality. The reason behind this, is that the system in the prison
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a worse situation like interaction with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
criminal etc.
Secondly
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
faces
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems in front of the society. A case in point is that, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
released after long sentences may refused by their family, relatives, friends and
also
from the public. This may
adversely
affect the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of the person.

In order to solve this problem, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
be focused
on the rehabilitation of criminals. This is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to avoid the violence that the person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can engage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
works like cooking, gardening, cleaning etc. Which may be helpful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
thoughts and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
police authorities entertain their members in the prison with engaging with books, for that they maintain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
libraries and included
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of books.

To recapitulate that, the character of a person is build by the public and the authorities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, rehabilitation is the best way to tackle the problem.
However
, up to a certain limit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
give a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitude.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people think that children today are not as fit and healthy as in the past Give your opinion reasons and solutions v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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