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Many children today are not as fit and healthy as children used to be in the past. What do you think are the causes of this problem? How it could be resolved? v.2

Many children today are not as fit and healthy as children used to be in the past. What do you think are the causes of this problem? How it could be resolved? v. 2
It is indeed true that today’s youngsters are not in good shape and well if we compare with children in the past. This essay will discuss the main causes of the unfitness of children including poor diet and fewer outdoor activities. This essay will also suggest solutions to these problems including improving diet and engage in sports activities. To begin with, many teenagers are now prone to very serious diseases like Diabetes, Cancer and many others. Youngsters are very keen on eating fast food which is made with unhealthy oils that lead to the development of various kinds of disorders in later stages of life. In addition, with the advent of technology, many children prefer to play video games like PS4 for long hours which results in the lesser movement of the body. For instance, one study was done by WHO has shown that children who have less outdoor activities are generally prone to the development of various kinds of serious diseases. In my opinion, the best solution to propose this problem is by educating teenagers about the beneficial effect of nutritional diet and sports activities. Nutrition plays an important role in making the body healthy and fit. A sufficient amount of calories in the diet makes immunity strong to fight with the infections. Besides nutrition, taking part in outdoor games like Cricket, Football and others helps in maintaining the proper shape of the body and youngsters learn to manage the work when there is so much pressure. For instance, kids who regularly play outdoor games are physically fit and intelligent. In conclusion, in today’s fast-paced world more and more youngsters are getting ill because of their unhygienic diet and fewer body activities. This essay also suggested that the solution to this problem is two-fold: to eat a healthy nutritional diet and participating in more sports activities
It is
indeed
true that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s youngsters are not in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
shape and well if we compare with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the past. This essay will discuss the main causes of the unfitness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
including poor diet and fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. This essay will
also
suggest solutions to these problems including improving diet and engage in sports activities.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
prone to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
serious diseases like Diabetes, Cancer and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others. Youngsters are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
keen on eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food which
is made
with unhealthy oils that lead to the development of various kinds of disorders in later stages of life.
In addition
, with the advent of technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
prefer to play video games like PS4 for long hours which results in the lesser movement of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
.
For instance
, one study
was done
by WHO has shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
generally
prone to the development of various kinds of serious diseases.

In my opinion, the best solution to propose this problem is by educating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
about the beneficial effect of nutritional diet and sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Nutrition plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
healthy and fit. A sufficient amount of calories in the diet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
immunity strong to fight with the infections.
Besides
nutrition, taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
games like Cricket, Football
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in maintaining the proper shape of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
and youngsters learn to manage the work when there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much pressure.
For instance
, kids who
regularly
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
games are
physically
fit and intelligent.

In conclusion
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced world more and more youngsters are getting ill
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their unhygienic diet and fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. This essay
also
suggested that the solution to this problem is two-fold: to eat a healthy nutritional diet and participating in more sports
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
activities
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many children today are not as fit and healthy as children used to be in the past. What do you think are the causes of this problem? How it could be resolved? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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