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Nowadays young people have to make the decision about their future career. Some people, however, believe that teachers and parents can make a better choice for their future career. Discuss both options and include your opinion with relevant examples from v.2

Nowadays young people have to make the decision about their future career. Some people, however, believe that teachers and parents can make a better choice for their future career. 2
It goes without saying that everyone wants to make the earth a better place. Some people think that the council should spend as much payment as possible to develop or purchase machine technology. On the other hand, some believe that this currency should be spent on more basic needs. Despite all these, I think our legislature should spend our tax dollars on more fundamental items before it gets into the business of developing network technique. Remembering the pyramid of needs, is it true that people could be better if they met their primary needs? The council should spend wealth, which actually belongs to the nationality to meet their main needs, rather than the administration thinks it is better. Since everybody has different wants, buying or improving technology can't make everyone happy. Nevertheless, so very universally are the main needs, such a person wants to meet these key needs. This is the right of the tribe to the court to pay a payment because of these governments only manage it. For instance, many poverty has to live in the worst conditions of a country. Some have to stay in places where they don't live. In addition, a huge amount of children cannot go to school, or they have to travel very far to reach school. Besides, I think the government should donate some money to develop their lives. All things considered, it might safely be said that if the government invests as much basic needs as possible, people around the world can live an excellent life. Notwithstanding, people can't have excellent computer technology, they will be happier after solving the big troubles in the world.
It goes without saying that everyone wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the earth a better place.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the council should spend as much payment as possible to develop or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
machine technology.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that this currency should
be spent
on more basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
. Despite all these, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
our legislature should spend our tax dollars on more fundamental items
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
into the business of developing network technique.

Remembering the pyramid of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
, is it true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could be better if they met their primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
? The council should spend wealth, which actually belongs to the nationality to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
,
rather
than the administration
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thinks
it is better. Since everybody has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
wants, buying or improving technology can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
everyone happy.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
universally
are the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
, such a person wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
these key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
. This is the right of the tribe to the court to pay a payment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
manage it.

For instance
,
Possible agreement error. The noun poverty seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much poverty", "a good deal of poverty".
many poverty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the worst conditions of a country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
stay in places where they don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
In addition
, a huge amount of children cannot go to school, or they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
far to reach school.
Besides
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should donate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money to develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

All things considered, it might
safely
be said
that if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
invests as much basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
as possible,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
an excellent life. Notwithstanding,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can't have excellent computer technology, they will be happier after solving the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
troubles in the world.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Nowadays young people have to make the decision about their future career. Some people, however, believe that teachers and parents can make a better choice for their future career. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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