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Children today are not as fit and healthy as in the past. Discuss the causes for this situation with relevant examples and give your opinion on possible solutions. v.1

Children today are not as fit and healthy as in the past. Discuss the causes for this situation with relevant examples and give your opinion on possible solutions. v. 1
Many argue that crime rate keeps on increasing due to bad parenting. Few others feel its nothing related to the parents. In my view, I disagree with the people who are blaming parents for their child's offence. I will try to discuss both the views and conclude with preventive measures. A few argue, bad parenting leads to all sorts of crimes by the younger generations. They suggest not to leave children in their younger age's with the maids or helpers. Few suggest to not to keep their children in residential schools because this can make a them to think in a negative perspective and take aggressive decisions. Along with all these activities, every school should implement a new curriculum which includes anti-crime teaching methodologies for the children to prevent crimes performed by the young people. For example, few schools India started to teach 2 lessons per language in their textbooks to prevent the crimes. On the other side, few say, increasing crime levels by this generation kids are not due to bad parenting. They suggest the idea of not to provide mobiles for the child until they reach the age of puberty. They should seriously restrict the child in playing games related to crimes and killings. Such games can bring a horrific thought and behave wildly. For instance, one of my friend's daughter started to play a game called Blue Whale which is truly realistic. Being in that transition, within three weeks she murdered one of her friends as per the game rules and got arrested. To conclude, I believe it is not ethical to blame parents for the crimes convicted by their children. Addressing issues and better teaching methods in their home as well as in school helps to reduce the level of such incidents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
on increasing due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
parenting. Few others feel its nothing related to the parents. In my view, I disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are blaming parents for their child's
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
. I will try to discuss both the views and conclude with preventive measures.

A few argue,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
parenting leads to all sorts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
by the younger generations. They suggest not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their younger age's with the maids or helpers. Few suggest
One 'to' seems to be obsolete.
to not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Possible typo. Did you mean "a" or "them"?
a them
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
perspective and take aggressive decisions. Along with all these activities, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should implement a new curriculum which includes anti-crime teaching methodologies for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
performed by the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For example
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to teach 2 lessons per language in their textbooks to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the crimes.

On the other side, few say, increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
levels by this generation kids are not due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
parenting. They suggest the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of not to provide mobiles for the child until they reach the age of puberty. They should
seriously
restrict the child in playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and killings. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can bring a horrific
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
and behave
wildly
.
For instance
, one of my friend's daughter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to play a game called Blue Whale which is
truly
realistic. Being in that transition, within three weeks she murdered one of her friends as per the game
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
arrested.

To conclude
, I believe it is not ethical to blame parents for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
convicted by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Addressing issues and better teaching methods in their home
as well
as in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the level of such incidents.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Children today are not as fit and healthy as in the past. Discuss the causes for this situation with relevant examples and give your opinion on possible solutions. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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