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Many children today are not as fit and healthy as children used to be in the past. What do you think are the causes of this problem? How it could be resolved? v.1

Many children today are not as fit and healthy as children used to be in the past. What do you think are the causes of this problem? How it could be resolved? v. 1
Many countries are facing problems due to the rapid increase in the population in urban areas, This issue can be solved by government and individuals by taking necessary steps to mitigate this problem. Overpopulation can lead to many problems. The biggest concern is to have proper housing and employment opportunities. Because of overcrowding, there will be lack of accommodation for such huge population. Another key point is if urban areas are overpopulated it results in higher chances of people to remain unemployed. Also, it is highly imperative to be noted that people's standard of living will eventually decrease, so more people will touch poverty line. For example, In India many rural people are moving to urban cities in order to attain better living. However, they face heavy competition to get job consequently, many are unemployed, which make them hit poverty easily. The government plays a vital role in taking measures for high population in urban areas. As the government can utilize monetary funds for housing schemes. Such as building apartments as well as small houses to provide shelter for people can be a solution for the accommodation needs, Another step to tackle a serious issue like unemployment can be dealt if government introduce easy loan schemes for small scale business. For instance, China provides complete material or fund to citizens who intend to start a business and now china exports 98% of products to the whole world. Individuals with regard to the population rise in urban areas can opt for two-child policy to curb the population In conclusion, overpopulation is a serious reason for multiple problems in urban area government and individuals can work together to overcome this matter by launching of suitable schemes and by having small families.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
countries are facing problems due to the rapid increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, This issue can
be solved
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and individuals by taking necessary steps to mitigate this problem.

Overpopulation can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems. The biggest concern is to have proper housing and employment opportunities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of overcrowding, there will be lack of accommodation for such huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
. Another key point is if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are overpopulated
it results in higher chances of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to remain unemployed.
Also
, it is
highly
imperative to
be noted
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's standard of living will
eventually
decrease,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will touch poverty line.
For example
, In India
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are moving to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
cities in order to attain better living.
However
, they face heavy competition to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
job
consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are unemployed
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them hit poverty
easily
.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
plays a vital role in taking measures for high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. As the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can utilize monetary funds for housing schemes. Such as building apartments
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
to provide shelter for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be a solution for the accommodation needs, Another step to tackle a serious issue like unemployment can
be dealt
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
introduce easy loan schemes for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
scale business.
For instance
, China provides complete material or fund to citizens who intend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a business and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
china exports 98% of products to the whole world.

Individuals with regard to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
can opt for two-child policy to curb the population

In conclusion
, overpopulation is a serious reason for multiple problems in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and individuals can work together to overcome this matter by launching of suitable schemes and by having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
families.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Many children today are not as fit and healthy as children used to be in the past. What do you think are the causes of this problem? How it could be resolved? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
289 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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