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Some people think that children should start primary school later in life, others think that they should start it before 7. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that children should start primary school later in life, others think that they should start it before 7. v. 2
The appropriate age to enter primary education is debated by parents. Some of them become de-motivated due to the mental stress that the education system imposes on young learners, but then again, many guardians, including me, found it more appropriate to start primary education before the offspring turn 7. In this essay, both the views will be discussed in the light of logic. A student, entering primary education, gets exposed to extensive pressure, which is hard for a young person to manage. To illustrate, small children has to comply with the class lectures as well as daily homework, not to mention the punishments in case of non-compliance. Moreover, those young-lings have to compete with each-other to secure better placements in the class. All these activities result in heavy mental burden for the children which they do not find comfortable to manage. In many cases, these negativity result in physical sickness as well as mental trauma. However, like many other parents who consider the first 7 years to be the best time to learn, I believe that every children shall be oriented to schools before this age. As the young people contain a curious mind, it is the perfect time to feed their curiosity with knowledge. A research, conducted by the psychologists of Oxford University, revealed that a person is 35% more potent to learn a new language at the age of 6 than later of his life. Considering the outcome indicating potentials of a child’s brain to learn before they get older, entering them in schools before they turn 7 is justified. To conclude, the parents have to send their loved ones to the schools, not matter what their age is. Although education system imposes heavy pressure on those young learners, we have to depend on their latent capability to learn at early age of their life and let them endure the load.
The appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
to enter primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is debated
by parents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them become
Possible spelling mistake found.
de-motivated
due to the mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system imposes on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
learners,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
then again,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
guardians, including me, found it more appropriate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
the offspring turn 7. In this essay, both the views will
be discussed
in the light of logic.

A student, entering primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
exposed to extensive pressure, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
person to manage. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
comply with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
lectures
as well
as daily homework, not to mention the punishments in case of non-compliance.
Moreover
, those young-lings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
compete with each-other to secure better placements in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. All these activities result in heavy mental burden for the children which they do not find comfortable to manage. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases,
Did you mean "this negativity" or "these negativities"?
these negativity
result in physical sickness
as well
as mental trauma.

However
, like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other parents who consider the
first
7 years to be the best time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
, I believe that every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "child"?
children
shall
be oriented
to schools
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. As the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
contain a curious mind, it is the perfect time to feed their curiosity with knowledge. A research, conducted by the psychologists of Oxford University, revealed that a person is 35% more potent to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
a new language at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 6 than later of his life. Considering the outcome indicating potentials of a child’s brain to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
older, entering them in schools
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
they turn 7
is justified
.

To conclude
, the parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones to the schools, not matter what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system imposes heavy pressure on those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
learners, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
depend on their latent capability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
at early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of their life and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them endure the load.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children should start primary school later in life, others think that they should start it before 7. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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