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Doctors in many countries believe that people are not getting enough exercise. What might be causing this lack of exercise? What can be done to address the issue? v.1

Doctors in many countries believe that people are not getting enough exercise. What might be causing this lack of exercise? What can be done to address the issue? v. 1
In recent years, doctors have been repeatedly reporting the increasing number of patients who lack physical exercise. As people are becoming more career-oriented, they are left with less time available for performing exercise and getting health consciousness. In this essay, the reasons behind the lack of exercise as well as the ways to overcome this issue will be discussed. Everyone is focused in achieving good progress in their career, that is why they care less about the work-life-balance that is being disrupted in the process. Apart from work, employees keep a little time for themselves, as a result they can hardly schedule the remaining time for exercise. Moreover, everybody is less concerned about their health. Low-level knowledge regarding healthy life and exercise is also contributing to the fact that nobody finds it worth saving some time for workouts. The career focused life-style and inadequate health-consciousness contribute in low-level of exercise among the people. However, awareness shall be spread in the society with the intention to encourage everyone to keep a balance between profession and life. Along with that, the prerequisites of a disease-free human body shall also be discussed with the civics which will not only encourage the audience to manage some time for physical work-outs on daily basis, but also make them realize to re-establish a balance between their career and life. Once a person is well-aware of his physical fitness, he will be motivated to schedule the daily office tasks and leave the office premise on time, making enough time available to have some sports both for mental stress-relief and physical-benefit. To conclude, the current lifestyle does not allow a person to pursue a daily exercise because of time barrier. This bar can easily be eradicated by enlightening everyone about the importance of workouts to live a healthy life.
In recent years, doctors have been
repeatedly
reporting the increasing number of patients who lack physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are becoming more career-oriented, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
available for performing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and getting health consciousness. In this essay, the reasons behind the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
as well
as the ways to overcome this issue will
be discussed
.

Everyone
is focused
in achieving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
progress in their career,
that is
why they care less about the work-life-balance
that is
being disrupted
in the process. Apart from work, employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for themselves,
as a result
they can hardly schedule the remaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
Moreover
, everybody is less concerned about their health. Low-level knowledge regarding healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is
also
contributing to the fact that nobody finds it worth saving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for workouts. The career focused life-style and inadequate health-consciousness contribute in low-level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

However
, awareness shall
be spread
in the society with the intention to encourage everyone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a balance between profession and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Along with that, the prerequisites of a disease-free human body shall
also
be discussed
with the civics which will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
encourage the audience to manage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for physical work-outs on daily basis,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them realize to re-establish a balance between their career and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Once a person is well-aware of his physical fitness, he will
be motivated
to schedule the daily office tasks and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the office premise on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
available to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sports both for mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-relief and physical-benefit.

To conclude
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
lifestyle does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
a person to pursue a daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
barrier. This bar can
easily
be eradicated
by enlightening everyone about the importance of workouts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Doctors in many countries believe that people are not getting enough exercise. What might be causing this lack of exercise? What can be done to address the issue? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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