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Some people think that children should start primary school later in life, others say that they should start it before 7. Discuss both views, giving your own opinion. v.2

Some people think that children should start primary school later in life, others say that they should start it before 7. v. 2
Although it is thought by some people that primary education for children should be started lately, others believe that the child should get admitted to school before he turn seven years old. In my opinion, I consider that early education helps in overall development and increase the chances of the child's bright future. On the one hand, some people think that children who start going to school before turning seven often become more successful and I agree. Young children have sharp memory, thus they learn things faster as compared to older children. In other words, such children can quickly adapt to school atmosphere and learn cooperating with others. Furthermore, early education will help them in completing the education at teenage. Therefore, they can enter into job market while they are still teens and can have a competitive advantage over other candidates. On the other hand, it is often believed that it is better to send any children to school only when he crosses seven years of age. As young children find it hard to stay away from parents, thus, they may feel timid in the outer world and face difficulties with learning process. Another reason why late admission is suggested that some children might not like leaving the home and parents, therefore they sometime can develop a disliking for schools. If a young child starts hating school, then it may result in poor academic performance in the future. In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinions, I think that children stand a better chance to succeed both in school and later in life if they start the primary schooling in the early years.
Although it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
lately, others believe that the child should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admitted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "turns", "turned".
turn
seven years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. In my opinion, I consider that early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in
overall
development and increase the chances of the child's bright future.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
turning seven
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
become more successful and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have sharp memory,
thus
they learn things faster as compared to older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
quickly
adapt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
atmosphere and learn
If 'learn' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to cooperate".
cooperating
with others.
Furthermore
, early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in completing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
at teenage.
Therefore
, they can enter into job market while they are
still
teens and can have a competitive advantage over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
candidates.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed that it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when he crosses seven years of age. As young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to stay away from parents,
thus
, they may feel timid in the outer world and face difficulties with learning process. Another reason why late admission
is suggested
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might not like leaving the home and parents,
therefore
they sometime can develop a disliking for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. If a young child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
hating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, then it may result in poor academic performance in the future.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may vary in their opinions, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
stand a better chance to succeed both in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and later in life if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
the primary schooling in the early years.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children should start primary school later in life, others say that they should start it before 7. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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