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Some people think that children should not watch television as it has negative effects while some people believe that they should watch television as it helps them in their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that children should not watch television as it has negative effects while some people believe that they should watch television as it helps them in their future. v. 2
It is commonly believed that watching television has negative implications on young ones, however, opponents have counter-view that watching TV brings many benefits to them as it is a nice pass time as well as a source of information for them. I completely agree with the latter view of the given statement. This essay will discuss the arguments of both sides and will give relevant examples to support my opinion. To begin with, some individuals say that television set has manifold detrimental effects on children such as poor health. If they watch television for a long period of time, it will weaken their eyesight and deform their body shape as well because of long sitting hours. For instance, a recent survey in the UK revealed that nearly 60 percent of youngsters prefer to watch television instead of playing outdoor games, and they are frequently suffering from sundry physical illnesses. Therefore, television is not a suitable option to be considered for children as a leisure activity. On the contrary, television helps young minds to broaden their horizon. There are many educational programs broadcasted on television that stimulate children to learn something new and implement in their studies. To exemplify, Discovery and National geography are the most popular television channels among children to learn about nature, the universe, history and science. Hence, If children watch television for a designated period of time, it will ameliorate their performance in academics. To conclude, although television has some serious negative consequences for children’s physical health, under proper surveillance they would get the benefits in their studies and avoid getting addicted to television. The onus is on the parents and teachers to bring these benefits to adolescents
It is
commonly
believed that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
implications on young ones,
however
, opponents have counter-view that watching TV brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to them as it is a nice pass time
as well
as a source of information for them. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter view of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement. This essay will discuss the arguments of both sides and will give relevant examples to support my opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
set has manifold detrimental effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
such as poor health. If they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
for a long period of time, it will weaken their eyesight and deform their body shape
as well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of long sitting hours.
For instance
, a recent survey in the UK revealed that
nearly
60 percent of youngsters prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
instead
of playing outdoor games, and they are
frequently
suffering from sundry physical illnesses.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is not a suitable option to
be considered
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as a leisure activity.

On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
young minds to broaden their horizon. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
educational programs broadcasted on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
that stimulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn something new and implement in their studies. To exemplify, Discovery and National geography are the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
channels among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn about nature, the universe, history and science.
Hence
, If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
for a designated period of time, it will ameliorate their performance in academics.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
physical health, under proper surveillance they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the benefits in their studies and avoid getting addicted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. The onus is on the parents and teachers to bring these benefits to
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
adolescents
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children should not watch television as it has negative effects while some people believe that they should watch television as it helps them in their future. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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