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Some people think that what children watch on television will influence their behaviours. Others think that the time they watch television influences their behaviour most. Discuss both views and give your own opinion? v.1

Some people think that what children watch on television will influence their behaviours. Others think that the time they watch television influences their behaviour most. v. 1
Pollution is one of the top causes of global warming. Some of big factories produce toxic waste products resulting in air and water pollution. Some people believe that the government should close the companies that does not have own waste treatment facility to help in reducing climate change. This essay will argue why it is completely necessary for the government to close the companies who does not follow the sanitation policies. To begin with, the government has the right to close some factories that produce toxic waste materials that will affect the people's health in the future. One of the harmful effects is the water contamination which results from the improper drainage system of a certain establishment that can harm the community. In addition, the water pollution created by the big factories who do not follow the right treatment of their waste. Some of the toxic materials they produce are going to an open river which often results to foul smell and fish kill due to toxic waste causing decrease oxygen in the water. Another reason why the government should close those factories because some of them are producing air pollution, which can also harm people's live and damage the quality of environment's air. By closing these establishments, the other companies will be forced to prioritize their toxic waste treatment facilities to avoid the closure of their business. The government should also consider the mandatory inspection in factories to monitor the proper handling of toxic materials. In conclusion, I firmly believe that with the help of the authorities, we can manage to protect the health of the community and save the environment which is the most important to lessen climate change and global warming.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Pollution
is one of the top causes of global warming.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
produce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toxic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
products resulting in air and water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
close
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
that does not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
treatment facility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in reducing climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. This essay will argue why it is completely necessary for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
close
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
who
Did you mean "do"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'companies' should be used.
does
not follow the sanitation policies.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has the right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
close
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
that produce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toxic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
materials that will affect the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health in the future. One of the harmful effects is the water contamination which results from the improper drainage system of a certain establishment that can harm the community.
In addition
, the water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
created by the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
who do not follow the right treatment of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toxic
materials they produce are going to an open river which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
results to foul smell and fish kill due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toxic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
causing decrease oxygen in the water.

Another reason why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
close
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are producing air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
, which can
also
harm
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and damage the quality of environment's air. By closing these establishments, the other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
will
be forced
to prioritize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toxic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
treatment facilities to avoid the closure of their business. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
also
consider the mandatory inspection in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
to monitor the proper handling of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toxic
materials.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the authorities, we can manage to protect the health of the community and save the environment which is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to lessen climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and global warming.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that what children watch on television will influence their behaviours. Others think that the time they watch television influences their behaviour most. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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