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Many students take part-time jobs while studying in universities. Is this a bad or good idea? v.2

Many students take part-time jobs while studying in universities. Is this a bad or good idea? v. 2
Nowadays, most of the students believe in temporary jobs along with their studies. Earning money while learning in universities seems a good idea as this can help students financially and provide exposure to the corporate world. Part-time jobs help individuals financially. As the majority of the students opt for an educational loan to pursue higher studies, so working alongside studies helps them to earn money which can be used to purchase course books, pay the rent of the apartment and for daily survival. As the cost of living is on the higher side nowadays, so getting involved in part-time work helps individuals to survive in this expensive world. For instance, a study from the "Oxford University" states that out of 500 students, 350 students are working part-time to earn money for their survival. Furthermore, part-time jobs help teenagers to explore the corporate culture. Individuals can learn presentation skills and how to work with a team. To support this, nowadays, industries are interested in hiring experienced candidates rather than fresh graduates. In this way, the corporate companies do not need to spend their time to train soft skills to the candidates which in turn reduces the cost of hiring an employee. Also, an individual will feel confident while appearing for an interview. This will be a win-win situation for both the employee and the employer. So working part-time will enhance the selection possibility by giving exposure to the corporate world. In 2012, a big corporate giant, Google, gave preference to those who had previous job experience than hiring candidates with no experience. To conclude, part-time jobs open opportunities for future growth and can help individuals financially. Considering all these aspects, it could be a positive trend to work part-time.
Nowadays, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
believe in temporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
along with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. Earning money while learning in universities seems a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
as this can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
financially
and provide exposure to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corporate
world.

Part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
financially
. As the majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
opt for an educational loan to pursue higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
working alongside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to earn money which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
course books, pay the rent of the apartment and for daily survival. As the cost of living is on the higher side nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
getting involved in part-time work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to survive in this expensive world.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
from the
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Oxford University
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
states that out of 500
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, 350
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are working part-time to earn money for their survival.

Furthermore
, part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to explore the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corporate
culture.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Individuals
can learn presentation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and how to work with a team.

To support this, nowadays, industries
are interested
in hiring experienced candidates
rather
than fresh graduates. In this way, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corporate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
do not need to spend their time to train soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to the candidates which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the cost of hiring an employee.
Also
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
will feel confident while appearing for an interview. This will be a win-win situation for both the employee and the employer.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
working part-time will enhance the selection possibility by giving exposure to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corporate
world. In 2012, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corporate
giant, Google, gave preference to those who had previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
experience than hiring candidates with no experience.

To conclude
, part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
open opportunities for future growth and can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
financially
. Considering all these aspects, it could be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend to work part-time.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Many students take part-time jobs while studying in universities. Is this a bad or good idea? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
288 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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