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Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v.21

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 21
Maintaining a healthy lifestyle, proved to be difficult for working people. Statistic shows, that they suffer from several health issues throughout the years, due to lack of exercise. So what is preventing an employee from working out? And what can be done to answer this problem? It is noteworthy that, poor time management is the biggest hindrance to maintain a healthy life. Standard working hours of an ordinary employee are from eight to four, sometimes to seven and after that he/she goes straight to home. How can an employee squeeze exercise time in this tight schedule? They often consider working is indeed a physical activity, so why bother with exercises. Somehow, it is logical, for taking waitress as an example, she would say that she is standing and walking during her work, so basically she is burning calories the same as a jogger or a runner do. In addition, in spite of being able to include exercise in their daily routine, people are not that motivated to work out for two reasons namely; expensive gyms and lack of exercise places at home. They are quite aware of the importance of taking care of their bodies. Yet they are not ready for more hard work, it is tiresome and no trigger is enough to push them to do it. For instance, I do not consider myself as a patient person, so i give up on exercising as soon as do not notice changes. Unfortunately, it is the case for most people. Nevertheless, the above said is true, no excuse is acceptable in regards of our health. As a working person myself, i believe that working people can find innovative means to do some physical activities without sacrificing their time, nor searching for the adequate place. It is more than enough, to alter our routine like walking to workplaces or home instead of taking the bus, choosing the stairs over elevators, or doing some minor physical work during lunch break. To conclude, I strongly believe that our health is important. Therefore, it is mandatory to maintain a good one and extends our lifespan to better enjoy our lives.
Maintaining a healthy lifestyle, proved to be difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Statistic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, that they suffer from several health issues throughout the years, due to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
what is preventing an employee from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
out? And what can
be done
to answer this problem?

It is noteworthy that, poor time management is the biggest hindrance to maintain a healthy life. Standard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours of an ordinary employee are from eight to four,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
to seven and after that he/she goes straight to home. How can an employee squeeze
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
time in this tight schedule? They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
is
indeed
a physical activity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
why bother with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
. Somehow, it is logical, for taking waitress as an example, she would say that she is standing and walking during her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
basically
she is burning calories the same as a jogger or a runner do.

In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
being able to include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
in their daily routine,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not that motivated to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
out for two reasons
namely
; expensive gyms and lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
places at home. They are quite aware of the importance of taking care of their bodies.
Yet
they are not ready for more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, it is tiresome and no trigger is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to push them to do it.
For instance
, I do not consider myself as a patient person,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
give up on exercising as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as do not notice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
. Unfortunately, it is the case for most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Nevertheless
, the above said is true, no excuse is acceptable
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
in regards of
our health. As a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
person myself,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can find innovative means to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical activities without sacrificing their time, nor searching for the adequate place. It is more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, to alter our routine like walking to workplaces or home
instead
of taking the bus, choosing the stairs over elevators, or doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minor physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
during lunch break.

To conclude
, I
strongly
believe that our health is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Therefore
, it is mandatory to maintain a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
one and extends our lifespan to better enjoy our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 21

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
356 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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