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Younger employees have more skills, knowledge and more motivated than older employees. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Support your argument with your own experience. v.1

Younger employees have more skills, knowledge and more motivated than older employees. Support your argument with your own experience. v. 1
There are some people who opine that young employees possess more skills, knowledge and higher levels of motivation than senior employees working in the same organization. While I do admit that they have more technical skills, in my opinion, their level of knowledge and motivation are more or less on a par with those of senior employers. The main advantage that young employees have over senior employees is that they are more tech-savvy. Youngsters grew up in the age of technology. They are adept at using all modern gadgets and technologies. Organizations especially those working at the cutting edge of technology require this expertise of young people and hence they give preference to them while recruiting people. For example, in the information technology (IT) sector technology becomes outdated pretty fast. They need engineers who are well-versed in the latest programming languages and hardware technologies. Needless to say, most people employed in this sector are youngsters. Even so, it is not possible to say that youngsters possess more knowledge or motivation than seniors. Knowledge does not necessarily mean only technological knowledge. While youngsters certainly have an advantage over seniors in matters of technology, it is not possible to say that their knowledge of other aspects of work or life is more. Likewise, the argument that they possess a higher level of self-motivation also sounds frivolous to me. Young people are less serious than seniors about their career. Actually, people in their 20’s are more concerned about enjoying their life than making significant contributions to their organization. In conclusion, young people certainly possess more technical skills than older people. However, I do not agree with the argument that they possess more knowledge or self-motivation.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possess
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and higher levels of motivation than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
working in the same organization. While I do admit that they have more technical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, in my opinion, their level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and motivation are more or less on a par with those of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
employers.

The main advantage that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
have over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
is that they are more tech-savvy. Youngsters grew up in the age of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. They are adept at using all modern gadgets and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
. Organizations
especially
those working at the cutting edge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
require this expertise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
hence
they give preference to them while recruiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, in the information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
(IT) sector
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
becomes outdated pretty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
. They need engineers who are well-versed in the latest programming languages and hardware
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
. Needless to say, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
employed in this sector are youngsters.

Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, it is not possible to say that youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possess
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
or motivation than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seniors
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Knowledge
does not
necessarily
mean
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
. While youngsters
certainly
have an advantage over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seniors
in matters of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, it is not possible to say that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
of other aspects of work or life is more.
Likewise
, the argument that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possess
a higher level of self-motivation
also
sounds frivolous to me.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are less serious than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seniors
about their career. Actually,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "20s".
20’s
are more concerned about enjoying their life than making significant contributions to their organization.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
certainly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possess
more technical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
than older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possess
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
or self-motivation.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Younger employees have more skills, knowledge and more motivated than older employees. Support your argument with your own experience. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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