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Some people think that children should learn to compete in the world, but others think the children should be taught to cooperate so as to become more useful to society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that children should learn to compete in the world, but others think the children should be taught to cooperate so as to become more useful to society. v. 1
University is a place to gain knowledge and moulding student skill. It is believed by some, that undergraduates should take courses they are passionate about. However, others are opined that subjects in Scientific and Technical fields should be their aim in order to secure good job opportunities in the future. This essay will discuss bother views in details before a conclusion is reached On one hand, a major reason why some individuals believe that students should do what they enjoy in college is because, they will find it easy graduating with good grades and becoming a professional in their field. To put it in another way, a student who has a certain skill and ability most times find it very easy coping with college work that relates to what interest them. Based on this, they can easily assimilate and understand what they are being taught by their tutors. Hence, students end up becoming a better version of themselves, compared to doing courses that they are comfortable with. A good example is the world idolised artist, Dan Vinci, who started drawing at the age of 3, in his biography " Drawings" he stated that studying fine-Art in college honed his skill in drawing thus, making it the hallmark of his training. On the other hand, as a result of the saturation of the employment market and University churning out many graduates each year, in order to get good paying jobs students are often encouraged to do coursework that will give them an edge over their colleagues therefore, courses like science and technology are mostly suggested because these sectors have shown to be the most available highest paying sectors according to National Labour Congress 2019, stating that graduates have chances of getting offers in Science and Technology than any other sector. In conclusion, I believe that students Should do what they are best at as they will end up becoming a better version of themselves rather than to do what they do not want, thus leading to failure in the future.
University is a place to gain knowledge and
Possible spelling mistake. 'moulding' is British English.
moulding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
. It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, that undergraduates should take courses they are passionate about.
However
, others
are opined
that subjects in Scientific and Technical fields should be their aim in order to secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
job opportunities in the future. This essay will discuss bother views in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a conclusion is
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
reached


On one hand, a major reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should do what they enjoy in college is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they will find it easy graduating with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
grades and becoming a professional in their field. To put it in another way, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
who has a certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and ability most times find it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy coping with college work that relates to what interest them. Based on this, they can
easily
assimilate and understand what they are
being taught
by their tutors.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up becoming a better version of themselves, compared to doing courses that they are comfortable with. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
example is the world
Possible spelling mistake. 'idolised' is British English.
idolised
artist, Dan Vinci, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
drawing at the age of 3, in his biography
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
"
Drawings
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
he stated that studying fine-Art in college honed his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
in drawing
thus
, making it the hallmark of his training.

On the other hand
,
as a result
of the saturation of the employment market and University churning out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
graduates each year, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
paying jobs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
encouraged to do coursework that will give them an edge over their colleagues
therefore
, courses like science and technology are
mostly
suggested
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these sectors have shown to be the most available highest paying sectors according to National
Possible spelling mistake. 'Labour' is British English.
Labour
Congress 2019, stating that graduates have chances of getting offers in Science and Technology than any other sector.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
Should do what they are best at as they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up becoming a better version of themselves
rather
than to do what they do not want,
thus
leading to failure in the future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children should learn to compete in the world, but others think the children should be taught to cooperate so as to become more useful to society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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