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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children should spend more time on studying than on sports and games. v.50

Children should spend more time on studying than on sports and games. v. 50
It is true that the amount of private vehicles commuting on roads have been rising significantly in many metropolis areas of the world. Whereas some argue that the enhancing infrastructure costs should go to the authorities, others say that these costs should be covered by the commuters. Personally, I believe that both individuals and the government should equally share the bill. On the one hand, two main reasons are to blame why the government should pay for repairing and expanding expenses for road infrastructure. Firstly, each member of society already contributes to state budget through tax system. In developed nations, income tax rate can be extremely high, 50% of earnings in America for instance, and it is absurd to require them to pay any additional amount of money to improve road system. Secondly, the government could possibly collect money from other sources such as getting a loan from the World Bank or International Monetary Fund if there is a shortage in the budget for road improvement and maintenance projects. On the other hand, I can understand why some may claim that money spent on road network should go to road users instead. The reason behind this is that the government has other more important things to concern. By paying for updating transport infrastructure programmes, every member of society could ensure that the local council could allocate more funds to improve other essential public services such as schools, hospitals and residential accommodation. From my own perspective, I believe that it is far more better if both authorities and individuals could lend a helping hand in improving such vital public service because this could hopefully lead to positive changes in every aspect of society. In conclusion, although there are contradicting views about financial resources for road systems, it is my firm belief that this is the responsibility of all members of society
It is true that the amount of private vehicles commuting on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
have been rising
significantly
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
metropolis areas of the world. Whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that the enhancing infrastructure costs should go to the authorities, others say that these costs should
be covered
by the commuters.
Personally
, I believe that both individuals and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
equally
share the bill.

On the one hand, two main reasons are to blame why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should pay for repairing and expanding expenses for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
infrastructure.
Firstly
, each member of society already contributes to state budget through tax system. In developed nations, income tax rate can be
extremely
high, 50% of earnings in America
for instance
, and it is absurd to require them to pay any additional amount of money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
system.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could
possibly
collect money from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sources such as getting a loan from the World Bank or International Monetary Fund if there is a shortage in the budget for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
improvement and maintenance projects.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I can understand why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may claim that money spent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
network should go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
users
instead
. The reason behind this is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things to concern. By paying for updating transport infrastructure
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
, every member of society could ensure that the local council could allocate more funds to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
essential public services such as schools, hospitals and residential accommodation. From my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective, I believe that it is far
Use only "better" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more better
if both authorities and individuals could lend a helping hand in improving such vital public service
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this could
hopefully
lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in every aspect of society.

In conclusion
, although there are contradicting views about financial resources for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
systems, it is my firm belief that this is the responsibility of all members of society
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Children should spend more time on studying than on sports and games. v. 50

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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