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Some people think that children should be raised by all the family members (eg: uncle, aunt and grandparents) rather than only parents. Give your opinion. v.3

Some people think that children should be raised by all the family members (eg: uncle, aunt and grandparents) rather than only parents. Give your opinion. v. 3
Raising children has become an important aspect of anyone's life. There are sections of society who believes that the kids need to be brought up by all family members and not just their parents. In this essay, I will discuss the benefits of it and the limitations of raising the young minds by the parents alone. In fact, there are a few disadvantages of raising kids by only their mother and father. Firstly, the kids only get to learn from their parents, which limits the amount of their social interactions. For example, it is widely known that the kids with greater social interactions in their childhood grow up to become individuals with high social skills and good communication. Secondly, they would rely upon formal training to develop their skills rather than seeking advice from their immediate family. On the other hand, there are huge benefits that can be derived when kids are raised by all the family members. Not only does it increase their social interactions in their earlier ages, but also enables them to become well rounded people. Additionally, it helps the family members in overcoming financial woes, which enables the kids to grow up with all the required resources. For instance, it is an accepted matter that in large joint families, members are able to effectively overcome monetary issues with the help of their relatives, thus bringing about a better quality of life for themselves and their children. To conclude, when kids are brought up by all the family members together, they tend to learn a lot more than being raised just by their parents and hence more beneficial. However, with the advent of corporate culture and modernisation, families are shrinking and people are increasingly depending upon training programs for learning to raise their kids better, rather than depending upon their own parents.
Raising children has become an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of anyone's life. There are sections of society who believes that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
need to
be brought
up by all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
and not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. In this essay, I will discuss the benefits of it and the limitations of raising the young minds by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
alone.

In fact, there are a few disadvantages of raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their mother and father.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to learn from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, which limits the amount of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interactions.
For example
, it is
widely
known that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
with greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interactions in their childhood grow up to become individuals with high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
communication.
Secondly
, they would rely upon formal training to develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
rather
than seeking advice from their immediate family.

On the other hand
, there are huge benefits that can
be derived
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are raised
by all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does it increase their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interactions in their earlier ages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enables them to become
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well rounded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Additionally
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
in overcoming financial woes, which enables the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to grow up with all the required resources.
For instance
, it is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
matter that in large joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
are able to
effectively
overcome monetary issues with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of their relatives,
thus
bringing about a better quality of life for themselves and their children.

To conclude
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are brought
up by all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
together, they tend to learn a lot more than
being raised
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
hence
more beneficial.
However
, with the advent of corporate culture and
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernisation' is British English.
modernisation
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are shrinking and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
increasingly
depending upon training programs for learning to raise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
better,
rather
than depending upon their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children should be raised by all the family members (eg: uncle, aunt and grandparents) rather than only parents. Give your opinion. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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