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Some people think that children should be raised by all the family members (eg: uncle, aunt and grandparents) rather than only parents. Give your opinion v.1

Some people think that children should be raised by all the family members (eg: uncle, aunt and grandparents) rather than only parents. Give your opinion v. 1
Some individual thing parenting a youth with the family members like uncle, aunt and grandparents is advantageous, however some disagree with this type of parenting. In this essay we will discuss about the pros and corns of the upbringing of a kid. Firstly, the advantage of a juvenile for getting brought up with other family members. The juvenile gets all the love and affection from everyone in the family. Everyone takes care of a youth if the parents are working. The child wished are fulfilled by someone or the other by the member. For instance, in India the concept of joint family has been going for decades where everyone stays together. Secondly, the disadvantage for being with other members are, if the minor makes mistakes, the other family members might try to hide if from their real parents. The juvenile will not feel the affection and love which the real parents want to give. The connection between the parents and minors will not grow. If there is an internal conflict between family members, the minor has to go through all the drama. In conclusion, the disadvantages of being with other family members will affect minor upbringing. So I think the minor should be brought within the guidance of the parents and the family members can come to help when needed.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individual thing parenting a youth with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
like uncle, aunt and grandparents is advantageous,
however
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disagree with this type of parenting. In this essay we will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
pros and corns of the upbringing of a kid.

Firstly
, the advantage of a juvenile for getting brought up with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
. The juvenile
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and affection from everyone in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Everyone takes care of a youth if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are working. The child wished
are fulfilled
by someone or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
.
For instance
, in India the concept of joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has been going for decades where everyone stays together.

Secondly
, the disadvantage for being with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
are, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
mistakes, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
might try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
if from their real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. The juvenile will not feel the affection and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
which the real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
want to give. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minors
will not grow. If there is an internal conflict between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
go through all the drama.

In conclusion
, the disadvantages of being with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
will affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minor
upbringing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minor
should
be brought
within the guidance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
when needed.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children should be raised by all the family members (eg: uncle, aunt and grandparents) rather than only parents. Give your opinion v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
220 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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