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Some people think that it would be better if whole family(Ex. Uncle, aunt and grand parents) involving in bringing up children rather than only parents. Give your opinion? v.1

Some people think that it would be better if whole family(Ex. Uncle, aunt and grand parents) involving in bringing up children rather than only parents. Give your opinion? v. 1
There are different believes regarding the involvement of different people in upbrining child’s life. While several people claim that only parents should take care of their loved one’s in this duration, other argue that all family members either direct or extended should invovled too. I firmly agree with the latter part of this argument. To begin with why only parents are necessary in child’s life. It is undoubtedly true that parents can guide their loved one’s accurately and can clear their doubts easily. In other words, parents can answer different questions that rise in childrens mind related to the real life or the physical changes in their young age. For example, hormones changes and job market. In contrast, people might feel shy while asking the same question from extended family member but it will be easy for them to ask from their parents. Thus, parents are core need in the growth of a child. However, there are several more reasons why it is a good idea to receive guidline from not only parents but also from the nearest relatives. Firstly, it creates less lonely environment for the child. To simplify this, if the bio-logical parents are not available due to their professionals, than extended family member can attend the children with his necessity. For instance, feeding, playing and protecting. Secondly, children can learn different behaviours and skills from different family members. To clarify this, youngster used to learn kindness from their grand parents while different art from their uncle and aunty. In conclusion, although it is true that parents are crucial to learn about the relation in early age, involvement of extended family member can reduce the chance of loneliness, and encourage to learn different behaviours and skills. Therefore, I believe that young people should be grown up with their parents as well as other family members.
There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
Did you mean "beliefs" (noun) instead of believes (verb)?
believes
regarding the involvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
upbrining
child’s life. While several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should take care of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
one’s in this duration, other argue that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
either direct or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
should
Possible spelling mistake found.
invovled
too. I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter part of this argument.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are necessary in child’s life. It is
undoubtedly
true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can guide their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
one’s
accurately
and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
their doubts
easily
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can answer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
questions that rise in
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
mind related to the real life or the physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in their young age.
For example
, hormones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
and job market.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might feel shy while asking the same question from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will be easy for them to ask from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are core need in the growth of a child.

However
, there are several more reasons why it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to receive
Possible spelling mistake found.
guidline
from not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
from the nearest relatives.
Firstly
, it creates less lonely environment for the child. To simplify this, if the bio-logical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not available due to their professionals, than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
can attend the children with his necessity.
For instance
, feeding, playing and protecting.
Secondly
, children can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
. To clarify this, youngster
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
kindness from their grand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
art from their uncle and aunty.

In conclusion
, although it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are crucial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about the relation in early age, involvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the chance of loneliness, and encourage to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Therefore
, I believe that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be grown
up with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as well
as other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it would be better if whole family(Ex. Uncle, aunt and grand parents) involving in bringing up children rather than only parents. Give your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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