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Some people think that children should be allowed to watch whatever televisionprograms they choose to. Others think that parents should exercise control over thetelevision programs their children watch. Which do you agree with? Explain why. v.1

Some people think that children should be allowed to watch whatever televisionprograms they choose to. Others think that parents should exercise control over thetelevision programs their children watch. Which do you agree with? Explain why. v. 1
Undoubtedly, recently, the phenomenon of self-employed workers and their corresponding impacts has sparked a heated debate. I am completely sure that although working for a company or organization is safer than working for oneself, people tend to possess their own business. In turn, this essay will discuss the causes behind this matter and the different drawbacks of this consequence. One the one hand, there are many reasons behind the increase numbers of start-up companies. First of all, people face difficulty acquiring a work of their preference in the highly competitive market, which is getting worse and increasing every day. That is to say that people have to get academic qualification degrees to be able to work for an esteemed organization, thus they are not able to find a suitable job offer if they would not have a university degree or occupation experience. Secondly, if people work for themselves, they can progress very sooner than working for others. On the other hand, having own company and working for oneself can provide the society with some noticeable effects which are rooted in the fact that the demerits of job security lacking, as well as insufficient enough earning in downturn economic conditions, are inextricably bound up. To summarize, some people are of the opinion that it is better for people to work for themselves, while others are opposed to this view. I am sure that increasing self-employed workers can be converted to a very dangerous crisis, which is able to destroy the economic condition of a country, extremely.
Undoubtedly
, recently, the phenomenon of self-employed workers and their corresponding impacts has sparked a heated debate. I am completely sure that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or organization is safer than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for oneself,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to possess their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business. In turn, this essay will discuss the causes behind this matter and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
drawbacks of this consequence.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons behind the increase numbers of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
-up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face difficulty acquiring a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
of their preference in the
highly
competitive market, which is getting worse and increasing every day.
That is
to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
academic qualification degrees to be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for an esteemed organization,
thus
they are not able to find a suitable job offer if they would not have a university degree or occupation experience.
Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for themselves, they can progress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
sooner than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for others.

On the other hand
, having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for oneself can provide the society with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
noticeable effects which
are rooted
in the fact that the demerits of job security lacking,
as well
as insufficient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
earning in downturn economic conditions, are
inextricably
bound up.

To summarize
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for themselves, while others
are opposed
to this view. I am sure that increasing self-employed workers can
be converted
to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
crisis, which is able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the economic condition of a country,
extremely
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children should be allowed to watch whatever televisionprograms they choose to. Others think that parents should exercise control over thetelevision programs their children watch. Which do you agree with? Explain why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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