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Music should not be taught in schools. Instead other subjects like computer and science should be taught. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

Music should not be taught in schools. Instead other subjects like computer and science should be taught. v. 1
To what extent do you agree or disagree? It is true that ex-prisoners can become normal, productive members of society. I completely agree with the idea that allowing such people to speak to teenagers about their experiences is the best way to discourage them from breaking the law. In my opinion, teenagers are more likely to accept advice from someone who can speak from experience. Reformed offenders can tell young people about how they became involved in crime, the dangers of a criminal lifestyle, and what life in prison is really like. They can also dispel any ideas that teenagers may have about criminals leading glamorous lives. While adolescents are often indifferent to the guidance given by older people, I imagine that most of them would be extremely keen to hear the stories of an ex-offender. The vivid and perhaps shocking nature of these stories is likely to have a powerful impact. The alternatives to using reformed criminals to educate teenagers about crime would be much less effective. One option would be for police officers to visit schools and talk to young people. This could be useful in terms of informing teens about what happens to lawbreakers when they are caught, but young people are often reluctant to take advice from figures of authority. A second option would be for school teachers speak to their students about crime, but I doubt that students would see teachers as credible sources of information about this topic. Finally, educational films might be informative, but there would be no opportunity for young people to interact and ask questions. In conclusion, I fully support the view that people who have turned their lives around after serving a prison sentence could help to deter teenagers from committing crimes.
To what extent do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
or disagree?

It is true that ex-prisoners can become normal, productive members of society. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that allowing such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to speak to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
about their experiences is the best way to discourage them from breaking the law.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are more likely to accept advice from someone who can speak from experience. Reformed offenders can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about how they became involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of a criminal lifestyle, and what life in prison is
really
like. They can
also
dispel any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
may have about criminals leading glamorous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. While adolescents are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
indifferent to the guidance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, I imagine that most of them would be
extremely
keen to hear the stories of an ex-offender. The vivid and perhaps shocking nature of these stories is likely to have a powerful impact.

The alternatives to using reformed criminals to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
would be much less effective. One option would be for police officers to visit schools and talk to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This could be useful in terms of informing teens about what happens to lawbreakers when they
are caught
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
reluctant to take advice from figures of authority. A second option would be for school teachers speak to their students about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I doubt that students would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
teachers as credible sources of information about this topic.
Finally
, educational films might be informative,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there would be no opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to interact and ask questions.

In conclusion
, I
fully
support the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have turned their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
around after serving a prison sentence could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to deter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
from committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Music should not be taught in schools. Instead other subjects like computer and science should be taught. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
292 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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