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Some people think that charity organizations should only offer help to people of their own country. But others believe that these organizations should give aid to people in great need wherever they live. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that charity organizations should only offer help to people of their own country. But others believe that these organizations should give aid to people in great need wherever they live. v. 1
Some people argue that charitable foundations ought to help in their local countries only. Whereas, other individuals believe that these corporations should work globally for the poor and needy people. It is agreed that help and support should be reachable to every corner of the world by such nonprofit organizations. This essay will discuss both points of view before coming to a reasoned conclusion. In most cases providing aid to the local communities makes the economy stronger in a short period of time. Moreover, Developed countries have rich people and they are the owner of most of the well-known foundations and their help reach to the poor very quickly and it brings the prosperity to needy people's life. It is therefore disagreed that there will be no equity in the world, rich country will grow richer and poor country will go down on the standard of living. For example, In the USA, Canada and Australia there are not street beggars. On the other, hand countries like Bangladesh, the Philippines and India there are lots of adults and children are begging at bus and railway stations. To bring the balance in social-economy all countries suppose to get relief on all six major areas in life. There are some countries in Africa where people are suffering to get pure drinking water. Similarly, other parts of the planet Earth are suffering from clothes, housing, health and education. It is agreed that there are sixty percentage of people are living below poverty and they need help from big charity organizations. For instance, Bill Gates and Roger Federer foundation works for the education and health in Kenya and Nigeria. As per these two legends, it is time for the wealthy nations to open their eyes and send necessary aids to the sufferers. In conclusion, while helping the local people create faster resolution and development, some still believe that to a balance in the world the relief needs to pass everywhere where it is needed. It is predicted that in the future there will be a balance in the lifestyle in everywhere when nonprofit organizations will send their aid to the proper places.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that charitable foundations ought to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in their local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. Whereas, other individuals believe that these corporations should work globally for the poor and needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
and support should be reachable to every corner of the world by such nonprofit organizations. This essay will discuss both points of view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
coming to a reasoned conclusion.

In most cases
providing aid to the local communities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the economy stronger in a short period of time.
Moreover
, Developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have rich
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they are the owner of most of the well-known foundations and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
reach to the poor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
quickly
and it brings the prosperity to needy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life. It is
therefore
disagreed that there will be no equity in the world, rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will grow richer and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will go down on the standard of living.
For example
, In the USA, Canada and Australia there are not street beggars. On the other, hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like Bangladesh, the Philippines and India there are lots of adults and children are begging at bus and railway stations.

To bring the balance in social-economy all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
suppose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
relief on all six major areas in life. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in Africa where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffering to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
pure drinking water.
Similarly
, other parts of the planet Earth are suffering from clothes, housing, health and education. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that there are sixty percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living below
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
poverty and
they need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
charity organizations.
For instance
, Bill Gates and Roger Federer foundation works for the education and health in Kenya and Nigeria. As per these two legends, it is time for the wealthy nations to open their eyes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
necessary aids to the sufferers.

In conclusion
, while helping the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
create faster resolution and development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
still
believe that to a balance in the world the relief needs to pass everywhere where it
is needed
. It
is predicted
that in the future there will be a balance in the lifestyle in everywhere when nonprofit organizations will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their aid to the proper places.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that charity organizations should only offer help to people of their own country. But others believe that these organizations should give aid to people in great need wherever they live. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
357 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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