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Some people think that cars should be banned in big city centres. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that cars should be banned in big city centres. v. 2
Some people say that governments should introduce a law to prohibit cars in metropolises. In my opinion, I completely agree with this for two main reasons. First, the restriction towards cars would lessen the negative impact on the environment and second, it contributes to road safety. Cars are commonly known as machines including a dozen of different technologies, moving wheels and gears. In order to power them, fuels such as petroleum and diesel are of necessity, ensuring cars’ function. However, this accordingly poses a problem to the environment because of the constant amount of toxic gases released into the atmosphere, which not only worsens the air quality but it also contributes to such environmental problems as global warming. Thus, the ban on cars would improve this situation because the fewer cars hit the streets, the lesser the number of toxic gases will be released into the atmosphere. Apart from the reason expressed above, the effect of banning cars is also beneficial to road safety because of the reduced accidents on the streets. In many developed city centres nowadays, the usage of cars among citizens is becoming evident. For example, cars in Ho Chi Minh city often account for 80% of all vehicles. This, however, increases the rate of many heart-wrenching accidents occurred to unfortunate drivers and pedestrians because people are more likely to face the risk of dangers when heading off the streets. Therefore, the restriction on cars would prevent this probability from happening in the first place, and people would no longer concern the threat of fatal accidents. In conclusion, the opinion about whether cars should be prohibited in big centres or not is different among people’s perspective. I think that it would improve the environment and reduce the risk of accidents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should introduce a law to prohibit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
in metropolises. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this for two main reasons.
First
, the restriction towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
would lessen the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the environment and second, it contributes to road safety.

Cars are
commonly
known as machines including a dozen of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
technologies, moving wheels and gears. In order to power them, fuels such as petroleum and diesel are of necessity, ensuring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars’
function.
However
, this
accordingly
poses a problem to the environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the constant amount of toxic gases released into the atmosphere, which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
worsens the air quality
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
contributes to such environmental problems as global warming.
Thus
, the ban on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
this situation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
hit the streets, the lesser the number of toxic gases will
be released
into the atmosphere.

Apart from the reason expressed above, the effect of banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
is
also
beneficial to road safety
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
accidents on the streets. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developed city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
nowadays, the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
among citizens is becoming evident.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Ho Chi Minh city
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
account for 80% of all vehicles. This,
however
, increases the rate of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
heart-wrenching accidents occurred to unfortunate drivers and pedestrians
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more likely to face the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
when heading off the streets.
Therefore
, the restriction on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this probability from happening in the
first
place, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would no longer concern the threat of fatal accidents.

In conclusion
, the opinion about whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
should
be prohibited
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
or not is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
perspective. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the environment and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of accidents.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that cars should be banned in big city centres. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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