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Some people say the government should spend money on providing faster public transport while others believe the government should give priority to other factors such as cost and the effect on the environment. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.2

Some people say the government should spend money on providing faster public transport while others believe the government should give priority to other factors such as cost and the effect on the environment. v. 2
Some people say that governments should give priority to the development of fast transportation in society rather than paying attention to the effects of the ambient environment. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this for two main reasons. First, advanced transportation could take its toll on the environment through air pollution and second, environmental effects such as global warming and pollution are more significant. In terms of advanced transportation, the development of this would have an adverse impact on the environment because of the emission of greenhouse gases. In order to power such public transports as the underground or trains, fossil fuels including coal, petroleum, and oil are of necessity because that materials ensure the function of these vehicles. However, this poses a threat to the environment due to the excessive amount of toxic gases emitted into the atmosphere, which not only worsens the air quality but also contributes to the rise of the ambient temperature. Apart from the reason expressed above, the environmental effects including global warming and pollution are worth-considering in the long-term. It is thought that plants and trees play an indispensable role in regulating the climate because they absorb carbon dioxide from the air and release oxygen back into it. If vast areas of vegetation are burnt or removed, the consequences including the release of stored carbon dioxide and the shortage of oxygen provided to humans will be likely to occur. This is also accompanied by the exploitation of forests for selling timbers, infrastructural development, and farming, all of which are thus even more damaging. That is the reason governments should spend their budget to prevent these situations from happening in the first place. In conclusion, it is said that providing faster public transport in society should be favoured over the environmental effects. However, I think that it would be a counterproductive effect on the environment, and thus the conservation of the environment is more significant.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should give priority to the development of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
transportation in society
rather
than paying attention to the effects of the ambient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this for two main reasons.
First
, advanced transportation could take its toll on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
through air pollution and second, environmental effects such as global warming and pollution are more significant.

In terms of advanced transportation, the development of this would have an adverse impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the emission of greenhouse gases. In order to power such public transports as the underground or trains, fossil fuels including coal, petroleum, and oil are of necessity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that materials ensure the function of these vehicles.
However
, this poses a threat to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
due to the excessive amount of toxic gases emitted into the atmosphere, which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
worsens the air quality
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
contributes to the rise of the ambient temperature.

Apart from the reason expressed above, the environmental effects including global warming and pollution are worth-considering in the long-term. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that plants and trees play an indispensable role in regulating the climate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they absorb carbon dioxide from the air and release oxygen back into it. If vast areas of vegetation
are burnt
or removed, the
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "including". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences including
the release of stored carbon dioxide and the shortage of oxygen provided to humans will be likely to occur. This is
also
accompanied by the exploitation of forests for selling timbers, infrastructural development, and farming, all of which are
thus
even more damaging.
That is
the reason
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should spend their budget to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
these situations from happening in the
first
place.

In conclusion
, it
is said
that providing faster public transport in society should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'favoured' is British English.
favoured
over the environmental effects.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it would be a counterproductive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, and
thus
the conservation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
is more significant.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say the government should spend money on providing faster public transport while others believe the government should give priority to other factors such as cost and the effect on the environment. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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