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Some people think that cars are best way to travel in a city others think that bicycle is better. Discuss both pointsof view and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that cars are best way to travel in a city others think that bicycle is better. v. 1
Nowadays, travelling through cars is becoming increasingly popular. It can be beneficial in many ways. It can reduce the time and distance, but some people prefer the use of bicycles. They believe that the bicycle can reduce pollution and keep their body in exercise. In this essay, I will discuss both sides of the arguments and draw a conclusion. First of all, by the change of technology, the means of transportation have been changed over the past years. One of the main changes is travelling through motors. The cars have become an important part of our lives. We can cover distance of miles in a few hours and minutes. For example, if we want to do grocery from a faraway supermarket in the city in Pakistan. We just reach there in a couple of minutes through car and put vegetables and other heavy stuff into the vehicle and reach back to home in no time. In this way, these cars have made our life simpler. On the other hand, there is a common belief that the use of bicycles positively affects our health and environment. People think that they can prevent pollution and overcrowding by the use of bicycles. In Europe, for instance, people are encouraged to take cycle rides in order to make less pollution. And people can do it as a sport to maintain their health. In conclusion, although it a common thought that travelling through cars is more convenient. I believe that bicycles are still in fashion. Personally, I think that bicycles are more effective way of transportation in a city as it's environmentally friendly.
Nowadays, travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
is becoming
increasingly
popular. It can be beneficial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the time and distance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycles
. They believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycle
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
pollution and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their body in exercise. In this essay, I will discuss both sides of the arguments and draw a conclusion.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of technology, the means of transportation have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
over the past years. One of the main
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
is travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
motors. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
have become an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. We can cover distance of miles in a few hours and minutes.
For example
, if we want to do grocery from a faraway supermarket in the city in Pakistan. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
reach there in a couple of minutes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
and put vegetables and other heavy stuff into the vehicle and reach back to home in no time. In this way, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
have made our life simpler.

On the other hand
, there is a common belief that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycles
positively
affects our health and environment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
pollution and overcrowding by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycles
. In Europe,
for instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are encouraged
to take cycle rides in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
less pollution. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can do it as a sport to maintain their health.

In conclusion
, although
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
a common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
is more convenient. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycles
are
still
in fashion.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycles
are more effective way of transportation in a city as it's
environmentally
friendly.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that cars are best way to travel in a city others think that bicycle is better. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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