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In some countries, small town-centre shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out-of-town stores. As a result, people without cars have limited access to out-of-town stores, and it may result in an increase in the use of cars. Do you think the disadvantages of this change outweigh its advantages? v.4

In some countries, small town-centre shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out-of-town stores. As a result, people without cars have limited access to out-of-town stores, and it may result in an increase in the use of cars. Do you think the disadvantages of this change outweigh its advantages? v. 4
In some countries, more and more people are shopping in large stores outside of town, so many stores in the small town centre have faced with bankrupting. Moreover, people do not have a car will have trouble shopping at the outside shop and it can increase using of cars. Although this issue will have many benefits, I think the limitations can justify the advantages. On the one hand, shopping in large stores outside the town can have many advantages. To begin with, this helps businesses outside the city earn more profits, which can promote the development of many aspects of the remaining fields such as economy, tourism and so on. This causes that person less motivated to migrate to cities, which makes it easier to address the burden of population in the big cities. Furthermore, the out-of-town helps the vehicle industry grow, because people without cars will buy one to go to these outskirt stores. It leads to the promotion of economic growth here. On the other hand, I believe there are the majority of limitations to this issue. Initially, using cars to travel will cause the air pollution due to the large amount of carbon dioxide emitted into the atmosphere. For instance, there is a sheer volume of carbon is produced everyday lead to the greenhouse effects and destroy the ozone layers which cause the global warming and the severity of climate change. Besides, the traffic jam on the street outside town is a really serious problem. In addition, stuck on the road for a long time is time-consuming, may cause the traffic accidents in the rush hour. To sum up, there are some advantages of increasing in the use of cars in and out-of-town stores, personally, I still believe that this issue has the limitations outweigh the benefits
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are shopping in large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
have faced with bankrupting.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
will have trouble shopping at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
shop and it can increase using of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
. Although this issue will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the limitations can justify the advantages.

On the one hand, shopping in large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
businesses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
the city earn more profits, which can promote the development of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of the remaining fields such as economy, tourism and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
that person less motivated to migrate to cities, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easier to address the burden of population in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities.
Furthermore
, the out-of-town
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the vehicle industry grow,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
one to go to these outskirt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
. It leads to the promotion of economic growth here.

On the other hand
, I believe there are the
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "majorities"?
majority
of limitations to this issue.
Initially
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
to travel will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
the air pollution due to the large amount of carbon dioxide emitted into the atmosphere.
For instance
, there is a sheer volume of carbon
is produced
everyday lead to the greenhouse effects and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the ozone layers which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
the global warming and the severity of climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
Besides
, the traffic jam on the street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
is a
really
serious problem.
In addition
, stuck on the road for a long time is time-consuming, may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
the traffic accidents in the rush hour.

To sum up, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages of increasing in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
in and out-of-town
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
,
personally
, I
still
believe that this issue has the limitations outweigh the benefits
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, small town-centre shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out-of-town stores. As a result, people without cars have limited access to out-of-town stores, and it may result in an increase in the use of cars. Do you think the disadvantages of this change outweigh its advantages? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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