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Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. v.6

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. v. 6
There is mixed opinion when it comes to deciding about sources of income for creative artists. This essay will narrate both the aspects Artists can focus on their one art development, if money part of survival is taken care by the government of the country in which artists are living. Initially, artists are in the struggling situation because to generate art they must concentrate on their job of performing art, which might not generate income. In such situation if the authorities of nations take the responsibility of art producers. For example, initially the painters do not find buyers for their paintings, also there is cost involved in procuring the material to generate art, if this is taken care by the government, they can focus on awesome creativity, if it gets materialized it will be a life changing opportunity for artists. However, there are negativities exist, such as what if artists are not able to generate income, then government’s investment will not be useful, and it will be wastage. There are private bodies such as non-government organizations (NGOs), who can take responsibility of taking care of artists for the delayed gratification purpose. Initially as artists are not famous and with almost zero income, such NGOs can get artists at very low rates, but as progress is made by artists, soon NGOs will able to generate income through the artists. On the contrary, such private bodies should not put pressure on artists to monetize the art. Otherwise artists can not focus on art development. To sum up, both the views are genuine, government should financially support the artists so that their art should not get nullified because of money for living. Also, private organizations and artists can have mutual benefits.
There
is mixed
opinion when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to deciding about sources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
for creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
. This essay will narrate both the aspects

Artists can focus on their one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
development, if money part of survival
is taken
care by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
of the country in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are living.
Initially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are in the struggling situation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
generate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
concentrate on their job of performing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, which might not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
generate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
. In such situation if the authorities of nations take the responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
producers.
For example
,
initially
the painters do not find buyers for their paintings,
also
there
is cost
involved in procuring the material to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
generate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, if this
is taken
care by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, they can focus on awesome creativity, if it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
materialized it will be a life changing opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
.
However
, there are negativities exist, such as what if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are not able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
generate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
, then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
investment will not be useful, and it will be wastage.

There are private bodies such as non-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
organizations (NGOs), who can take responsibility of taking care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
for the delayed gratification purpose.
Initially
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and with almost zero
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
, such NGOs can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low rates,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as progress
is made
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
NGOs
Did you mean "will be able"?
will able
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
generate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
.
On the contrary
, such private bodies should not put pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
to monetize the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Otherwise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
can not focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
development.

To sum up, both the views are genuine,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
financially
support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
nullified
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of money for living.
Also
, private organizations and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
can have mutual benefits.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. v. 6

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
288 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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