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Some people think that books should be stopped in school and that videos films and computers should be used instead To what extent do you agree v.4

Some people think that books should be stopped in school and that videos films and computers should be used instead 4
Nowadays, every individual whether they are kid, teenager or grown ups, everyone wants to be independent and take every decision on their own without having any kind of hindrance from anyone. At the same time parents mostly think that their kids are not that capable to tackle their everyday life situations and make choices on their own, so they must intervene. More often than not parents tend to be very protective about their kids. It is their natural tendency to look into every matter concerning their child. This often results in kids being more dependent on their parents, thus hindering their overall development. The decision making capacity of children is mostly lower in case of parents who are involved in taking every decision for them. Such individuals often fail in choosing the right path for themselves, even when they grow up. For instance, if that kind of individual has to choose the subject he/she wants to pursue career in, rather than understanding their inclination towards particular subject and exploring their capabilities they would tend to go with what their parents think they should do which results in their failure in the long run. So it's always a good idea to let one decide what they are looking forward to then only they can succeed. However, at tender age people lack the experience and their thinking capacity too is not as efficient as elders, so parents should keep a watch on their siblings while they make important choices in their life. Teenagers have the tendency to be self centred, which is again not favourable for their surroundings and other people around them. For example, if anything like gambling or other unethical works provides them the happiness they would start doing that if no one would stop them from doing so, even without thinking about the consequences and how it will affect other people. So it becomes the moral responsibility of mature individuals to keep educating them and showing them the right path. It is my view that kids should be allowed to make choices in their day to day situations as it will prepare them for choosing between the major options in the long run. But parents should keep a watch on them and should inculcate moral values in them so that they can understand the difference between what is right and wrong for them and other people irrespective of whether it gives them happiness or not.
Nowadays, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
whether they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
or
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
grown ups
, everyone wants to be independent and take every decision on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
without having any kind of hindrance from anyone. At the same time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are not that capable to tackle their everyday life situations and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
choices on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
intervene.

More
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
tend to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
protective about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. It is their natural tendency to look into every matter concerning their child. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
results in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
being more dependent on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
thus
hindering their
overall
development. The
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
capacity of children is
mostly
lower in case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who
are involved
in taking every decision for them. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
fail in choosing the right path for themselves, even when they grow up.
For instance
, if that kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
choose the subject he/she wants to pursue career in,
rather
than understanding their inclination towards particular subject and exploring their capabilities they would tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they should do which results in their failure in the long run.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it's always a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
one decide what they are looking forward to then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they can succeed.

However
, at tender age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lack the experience and their thinking capacity too is not as efficient as elders,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
on their siblings while they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
choices in their life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
have the tendency to be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self centred
, which is again not
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
for their surroundings and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around them.
For example
, if anything like gambling or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
unethical works provides them the happiness they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
doing that if no one would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
them from doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, even without thinking about the consequences and how it will affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it becomes the moral responsibility of mature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
educating them and showing them the right path.

It is my view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
choices in their
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
situations as it will prepare them for choosing between the major options in the long run.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
on them and should inculcate moral values in them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can understand the difference between what is right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
for them and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
irrespective of whether it gives them happiness or not.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that books should be stopped in school and that videos films and computers should be used instead 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
406 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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