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Some people think that books should be stopped in school and that videos, films and computers should be used instead. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Some people think that books should be stopped in school and that videos, films and computers should be used instead. v. 1
With the advancement of technology, certain nations think that books should be replaced by digital devices in school and all lessons will be taught by that device. In my opinion, that digital tools should be combined with school programs, but not replaced dramatically. Moreover, school teachers can make a plan and enrol them as day of watching TV and ect. It is clearly evident, that children are smarter than elder man, a distinction between elder generation and the young generation is fast learn, hence teaching method by TV, computer can give a bit advantage. Some lessons require video such as history where too much detail. Many historical facts can be captured by documentary film and can be presented to school children for easy perceive. Moreover, certain countries have found video lessons are more beneficial and have included in the school program. There have enrolled digital tools as device which support for explanation whole theme throughout the semester. However, TV, computer will never replace a book. Because with book everyone can build own view regarding book impression, while in a video shows film maker imagination which does not always match. During the reading a book people can generate impressive from book without external influence and keep them in mind. Book can form us as individual, we can take into account that advice what we prefer. In conclusion, the old school teaching program should develop with digital tools together. Furthermore, a combination of two sectors can be reached a good result in the education sector.
With the advancement of technology, certain nations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
should
be replaced
by digital devices in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and all lessons will
be taught
by that device. In my opinion, that digital tools should
be combined
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
programs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not replaced
dramatically
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
teachers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a plan and enrol them as day of watching TV and
Possible spelling mistake found.
ect
.

It is
clearly
evident, that children are smarter than elder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
, a distinction between elder generation and the young generation is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
learn,
hence
teaching method by TV, computer can give a
It seems that there's a missing preposition after ''.
bit
advantage.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
lessons require video such as history where too much detail.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
historical facts can
be captured
by documentary film and can
be presented
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
children for easy perceive.
Moreover
, certain countries have found video lessons are more beneficial and have included in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
program. There have enrolled digital tools as device which support for explanation whole theme throughout the semester.

However
, TV, computer will never replace a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
everyone can build
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
view regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
impression, while in a video
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
film maker imagination which does not always match. During the reading a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can generate impressive from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
without external influence and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them in mind.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Book
can form us as individual, we can take into account that advice what we prefer.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
teaching program should develop with digital tools together.
Furthermore
, a combination of two sectors can
be reached
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
result in the education sector.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Some people think that books should be stopped in school and that videos, films and computers should be used instead. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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