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Some people think that big international sporting events are not worthwhile for the host country. Do you agree or disagree? v.4

Some people think that big international sporting events are not worthwhile for the host country. v. 4
A computer has become an essential part of people's life, and it is also becoming increasingly popular in different business sectors as well. There are multifarious possibilities of how it could be used in the future, including artificial intelligence and automation. Whether it is beneficial for humankind or rather suspicious, is a matter of debate. Since the emergence of this technology, it is used by almost every person around the globe either for business or personal matters. However, it might be used to solve some sophisticated problems in the future that the current computer can't perform without getting help from a human. As a tangible example, a robotics company in Japan has developed a robot which can perform heart surgery without involving an actual doctor. This example shows that the computer is able to do much more than just solving math problems or for entertainment purposes. On the other hand, many people are concerned about the intelligence of a machine, and they are asking themselves whether it could surpass human brain. Moreover, they also said that this machine doesn't always come with benefits, but it also has various negative effects. For instance, in the USA, many people who were working at a shopping mall were fired, because the mall bought automated machines which took over the employees' responsibilities. These machines are able to do the job 24 hours a day without resting, and don't require any money. Therefore, those people who have some doubts or criticisms about this technology have good reasons to do so. In a nutshell, there is no question that the computer has made everyone's life easier and better. But there are some people who don't share the same mutual feeling, because they had lost their jobs due to this machine.
A computer has become an essential part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life, and it is
also
becoming
increasingly
popular in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
business sectors
as well
. There are multifarious possibilities of how it could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the future, including artificial intelligence and automation. Whether it is beneficial for humankind or
rather
suspicious, is a matter of debate.

Since the emergence of this technology, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by almost every person around the globe either for business or personal matters.
However
, it might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to solve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sophisticated problems in the future that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
computer can't perform without getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from a human. As a tangible example, a robotics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in Japan has developed a robot which can perform heart surgery without involving an actual doctor. This example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the computer is able to do much more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
solving math problems or for entertainment purposes.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are concerned
about the intelligence of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
, and they are asking themselves whether it could surpass human brain.
Moreover
, they
also
said that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
doesn't always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
has various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.
For instance
, in the USA,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who were working at a shopping mall
were fired
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the mall
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
automated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
which took over the employees' responsibilities. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
are able to do the job 24 hours a day without resting, and don't require any money.
Therefore
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
doubts or criticisms about this technology have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reasons to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

In a nutshell, there is no question that the computer has made everyone's life easier and better.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who don't share the same mutual feeling,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they had lost their jobs due to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some people think that big international sporting events are not worthwhile for the host country. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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