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Some people think that big international sporting events are not worthwhile for the host country. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that big international sporting events are not worthwhile for the host country. v. 2
It is believed by a few individuals that the host country does not profit from the large world game events. In my view, This is not completely true. The hosting country benifits alot from foreign visitors attending to these sports, particularly from the money they spend and the revenue it generates from advertisements. I will elaborate more on why i believe its fruitful for a country to host such sports. Firstly, I think, its worth the efforts for a country to host foreign sports. As it will be visited by many sports fans from all over the world when such games take place. Along with them will come the need for hotels, food and many more basic needs, that they might require during their stay in that country. Admittedly, this will bring more money into the country. As a result, the local economy will thrive. for example, it has been estimated that the Qatar FIFA world Cup 2020 will bring about 1. 2 Billion USD. It will be held in Doha and shall generate 400, 000 Jobs for the community. Secondly, There is a lot of money to be made through advertisements and paid commercials, that will be run during the live telecast of these sports. The media regulatory authority of the host country will sell licences to air them. Moreover, Income will also be made from international companies that will require to run their product commercial for a few seconds during matches. For instance, Coca Cola paid 1 Million Dollar to United Arab Emirates in the last 20/20 Cricket world to run their commercial To conclude, there has never been a country that has lost more than it has gained in hosting Sports from its soil. It is always in the interest of that nation to welcome foreign games to their motherland.
It
is believed
by a few individuals that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
does not profit from the large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
game
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. In my view, This is not completely true. The hosting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
Possible spelling mistake found.
benifits
Possible spelling mistake found.
alot
from foreign visitors attending to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
particularly
from the money they spend and the revenue it generates from advertisements. I will elaborate more on why
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe its fruitful for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
such sports.

Firstly
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, its worth the efforts for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. As it will
be visited
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
fans from all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
when such games take place. Along with them will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
the need for hotels, food and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more basic needs, that they might require during their stay in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Admittedly
, this will bring more money into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
As a result
, the local economy will thrive.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example, it has
been estimated
that the Qatar FIFA
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
Cup 2020 will bring about 1. 2 Billion USD. It will
be held
in Doha and shall generate 400, 000 Jobs for the community.

Secondly
, There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money to
be made
through advertisements and paid commercials, that will
be run
during the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
telecast of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. The media regulatory authority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will sell
Possible spelling mistake. 'licences' is British English.
licences
to air them.
Moreover
, Income will
also
be made
from international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
that will require to run their product commercial for a few seconds during matches.
For instance
, Coca Cola paid 1 Million Dollar
A determiner is probably missing here: "to the United Arab Emirates".
to United Arab Emirates
in the last 20/20 Cricket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
to run their
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
commercial


To conclude
, there has never been a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
that has lost more than it has gained in hosting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
from its soil. It is always in the interest of that nation to welcome foreign games to their motherland.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that big international sporting events are not worthwhile for the host country. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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