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Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult, they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. To what extent do you agree? v.5

Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult, they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. v. 5
Whereas some people argue that few subjects should be optional for kids, which they find tough. Education is a foundation of student skills & morals. Personally, I believe these subjects should be compulsory. Hence, I will explain my views to reach a conclusion. First of all, Students find these subjects hard. So, they want an option. Mathematics gives logical skills and philosophy teach ethics and simplicity. For example, if someone buying vegetables and in that Situation how to bargain to merchant it's based on your logic. Secondly, Philosophy gives merits like ethical & virtual skills. For example, in family gatherings, How to behave and converse to others is fully based on ethics. In addition, mathematics trains students to think logically in solving problems & philosophy teaches to make business decisions more decisive. However, These subjects are difficult for some kids. Not every child born with an equal level of cognitive skills. Some kids are blessed with art & sport skills. For instance, it may seem unfair to compete with these students for science students. But in my view, these subjects should be practiced by every student in basic level, thenthen after they could explore their vision by help of basic attributes from these subjects. Finally, Mathematics and philosophy might be challenging for some, but basic knowledge of these subjects should teach them and that might helpful to them in the future. Henceforth, All the schools finds the essential skills required for each & every student and observe what they actually need.
Whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should be optional for kids, which they find tough. Education is a foundation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
& morals.
Personally
, I believe these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should be compulsory.
Hence
, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my views to reach a conclusion.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
find these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they want an option. Mathematics gives logical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
philosophy
teach ethics and simplicity.
For example
, if someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "buys", "bought".
buying
vegetables and in that Situation how to bargain to merchant it's based on your logic.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Philosophy
gives merits like ethical & virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
For example
, in family gatherings, How to behave and converse to others is
fully
based on ethics.
In addition
, mathematics trains
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
logically
in solving problems &
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
philosophy
teaches to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
business decisions more decisive.

However
, These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are difficult for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kids. Not every child born with an equal level of cognitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
kids
are blessed
with art & sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
For instance
, it may seem unfair to compete with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in my view, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should
be practiced
by every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in basic level,
Possible spelling mistake found.
thenthen
after they could explore their vision by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of basic attributes from these subjects.

Finally
, Mathematics and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
philosophy
might be challenging for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
basic knowledge of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should teach them and that
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
might helpful
to them in the future. Henceforth, All the schools finds the essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
required for each & every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
and observe what they actually need.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult, they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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