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Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. To what extent do you agree? v.2

Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. v. 2
Subjects like Mathematics, Philosophy and others are compulsory subjects. The difficulty level of these are high as compared to some others, because of that some people think that these subjects should be optional rather than being compulsory. And personally I think these subjects should be a compulsory part of the syllabus. If any kid is facing problem in learning these topics, it’s because they are not working hard as compared to others, these courses are not difficult for everyone. Some of us are slow learner and there are others who can quickly grasp things. But our human mind is same for everyone, it’s just the thought process that differs among humans. Hard working and quick learning kids don’t face any issue relating to these topics. If these branches of studies are optional, most of the kids will choose to ignore them and future generations will be deprived of good scientists, mathematicians, doctors and engineers etc. May be the children are facing problems only at the initial stages, but with time, they can develop interests in subjects and they will achieve bigger things and our society as a whole will get benefits from this. Our educational culture should be systematic, if anyone facing trouble in adapting these subjects, teachers and parents should work with them and motivates them to face these, This will not only help them in studies but I will also a valuable life lesson. Because not everything is optional in life at some point we have to make tough life choices so this could be a practical lesson for them as well. I believe our education system, by keeping an eye on the future, should prepare them accordingly. If someone is not prepared for these difficulties, the extra effort needed to be done to make sure that these kids are ready to take whatever comes in front of them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Subjects
like Mathematics, Philosophy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
are compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. The difficulty level of these are high as compared to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should be optional
rather
than being compulsory. And
personally
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should be a compulsory part of the syllabus.

If any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
is facing problem in learning these topics, it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
as compared to others, these courses are not difficult for everyone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of us are slow learner and there are others who can
quickly
grasp things.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
our human mind is same for everyone, it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
process that differs among humans.
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
Hard working
and quick learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
don’t face any issue relating to these topics.

If these branches of studies are optional, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
will choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
them and future generations will
be deprived
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
scientists, mathematicians, doctors and engineers etc.
Did you mean "maybe" (= perhaps)?
May be
the children are facing problems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
at the initial stages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with time, they can develop interests in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
subjects and
they will achieve bigger things and our society as a whole will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefits from this.

Our educational culture should be systematic, if anyone facing trouble in adapting these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, teachers and parents should work with them and motivates them to face these, This will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I will
also
a valuable life lesson.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
not everything is optional in life at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
tough life choices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this could be a practical lesson for them
as well
.

I believe our education system, by keeping an eye on the future, should prepare them
accordingly
. If someone is not prepared for these difficulties, the extra effort needed to
be done
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are ready to take whatever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
in front of them.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
311 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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